My Appalachian Elegy

Have you ever considered how the place where you grew up continues to shape you, even if you’ve moved far away and never returned? With the recent announcement of a Vice-Presidential Candidate from Ohio with roots in Kentucky, much discussion has centered around his 2016 memoir, Hillbilly Elegy. I read the book and watched the Netflix docu-drama adaptation. Opinions about it are polarized; some love it, others hate it. Many of my friends, who also have deep Southern Appalachian roots, have strong feelings about it. If nothing else, it has sparked some great discussions.

Having grown up in the mountains of Appalachia, I understand the term “hillbilly” in a way not everyone does. Some parts of Hillbilly Elegy resonated with me, while others did not. I’ve also lived in various parts of the country, and I believe some of the themes in Hillbilly Elegy—poverty, dysfunctional family dynamics, addiction issues, and educational challenges—are not unique to Appalachia. This is an important point to make. Similarly, strong family connections are not exclusive to the region nor are they present in every Appalachian family.

My Appalachian family wasn’t wealthy or impoverished,  large, or particularly close-knit, though I knew many who were. My parents weren’t uneducated nor scholars. Our family has faced struggles with addiction, but it didn’t touch my life directly. My personal hillbilly elegy would be quite different. This is the challenge when an individual’s story is seen as representative of a larger group.

Despite my Appalachian roots, most of my adult life has been spent far from those hills and the Blue Ridge Mountains. I’m now a flatlander, more coastal than mountain. The cultures are as much the same as they are different, and my ears are more accustomed to the Carolina Low Country drawl than the twang of my mountain roots. I have moments when I deeply miss my hometown, lifelong friends, and the region. But I also cherish seeing Spanish moss blowing in the breeze or a palm tree against a Carolina blue sky. These experiences are equal parts of who I am, blending to shape my identity.

Yes, the deep, unique, and rich culture of Appalachia is part of my soul, but it’s mixed with so many other life experiences. None of us can fully claim to know all the facets of what it means to be a hillbilly.

Signed, Southern Flatland Mountain Girl

The Bittersweet Days

The last few months, crazy as they may have been, created some wonderful lifetime memories.  But, if I am being honest, one date on the calendar had been etched into my mind since well before 2020 began; that date was College Move In Day for my youngest son.  As much as the world provided lots of distractions the date kept creeping up on me.  We waited patiently to make sure the college would even open on schedule...when it was announced it would...we slowly began to prepare for his departure.

What I have to note, is when we took my daughter to college, I cried everyday for at least a week...and I had still had two boys at home.  Now, I was moving my youngest several hours away and my nest would be empty.  Not to mention, this  young man and I have walked through most of his life alone.  I was a single parent for most of what he remembers and he and I only had each other day to day. We are close. He is a blessing beyond measure.   

To say his move in day was hard would be an understatement of the greatest sort.  I was thrilled for him as I knew he was going to "his place" and felt confident his choice in of colleges but I kept thinking, as the Dad in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" says "Why you want to leave me???"  Yes, there were tears, but mostly left for the drive away.  

Happy Birthday, baby boy...

 

How can I remember this day, buying this outfit and that sweet, soft blue blanket like it was yesterday? Maybe because the years seem to fly by faster and faster and I feel the shadow of adulthood all around?  This was my youngest son's 1 year photo.  We lived in New York at the time and I had a beast of a time finding anything semi-dressy.  My Southern Self was looking for something with smocking and preferably puffy pants but that was no where to be found in the New York where I was.  My youngest always loved to rub your ear (or his if no one was available)...if you sat next to him on the sofa or rocked him at night he would gently reach up and rub your ear lobe.  It was his connection and comfort.  I can remember seeing he and his older brother on the sofa watching TV and my youngest would be absent mindedly rubbing his brother's ear.  It was sweet, innocent and a way that I am sure bonded them together.  Today my baby boy turns 16 (at 9:09 PM to be exact) and he is at rehearsals for Beauty and the Beast, being produced by a local theater company. Before that he rushed home to get his new basketball and basketball shoes and was off to the Y before heading to rehearsals.  He is my renaissance man. I am excited to see the young man he is becoming.



But, I look at this face and I wonder...where did the time go?  Where did my little man go?  In his place stands an almost 6 foot tall amazement.  Today is bittersweet.  I am so thankful and happy for all he has done and is becoming but I miss that sweet baby in my arms.

 

I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.
1 Samuel 1:27 (NIV)

 



Looking for Peace at the Seashore

Yesterday, my mind swirled with all kind of thoughts and emotions...you know the kind that make you question everything.  Even though I don't make the mark often, I am still trying to be the change and not add negativety into our world, but some days seem to push you further than you expect; maybe it is a day when you had plans with someone and they decided to do something else with someone else (and you aren't included) or maybe it is an unexpected bit of news from work or family.  Those days really don't make you want to play nice or cooperate with anything or anyone.  They are draining and disappointing. 

So, to relieve the stress and not just sit at home alone, I got in my car and started driving.  Where?  I didn't know, I just went.  It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon and I let the roads lead me.  It isn't hard to figure out, though, like a magnet it took me through some areas I had never seen before and I ended up at the seashore.  Fortunately, it was a reasonably quiet spot of sand and I was able to just sit and watch the water come in, pray and think.  I have a lot to pray about....my family relations, my future, a job, etc. and I have a lot to be thankful for as well. 

This is a season of change for my family and now our little household is down to only 2 plus the 2 furbabies.  With that comes adjustment...not necessarily bad adjustment, just adjustment.  My greatest love has been to be a Mom and I am sad to see that season ending. Although, I will always be their Mom....it isn't the same.  I have 36 months before my baby flies and when you put it in those terms it almost overwhelms me.  My other children now live hours away and it is going to take some time to wrap my mind around what used to be and what is. I struggle because I don't know how to hold us together in this season.  I thought I had it all clear in my head and now I get to start over.  Oh, joy!

Prom 2017

I can't believe it, but I find myself seeing another child (this time the baby boy) off to the prom.  This one was unexpected as he is only a Freshman...but that whole social structure of High School these days is different than "back in the day."  It does make me think of Proms when I was in High School and how much fun we had. It makes me miss friends that have passed and those I haven't see in years and the carefree (although when you are the teenager it doesn't feel like that) world we lived in.  Why, oh why, does growing up come so fast?  And mostly, why couldn't we just enjoy every special, simple moment rather than always trying to push harder and faster to being "older." 

 Adulting is a racket!  

He was heading out to get his pretty little date! 

 How can he be this old?

They went as a group with some life long friends. 

 I know it will be a fun night to remember!

 

I hope they have a blast. 

 The evening started with dinner and is supposed to end with

 bowling so I really hope this is just the first of many

great High School Memories for my sweet young man.

My Little Brick Cottage....

You may have noticed at the bottom of each of my posts I sign off with "Love from my Little Brick Cottage," and I have even created a tag for it on other forms of Social Media because it makes me happy. 

My little brick cottage is not really even my own.  I am just a renter.  Lately, though, I have thought a lot about this little house and wondered why I love it so much.  It isn't glamourous or fancy.  It needs some TLC and lots of paint.  But, I love it.  When I look at it, I see it through "what it could be" eyes.  Up until recent months, I was very close to being able to purchase this little cottage but there were some changes and money was needed for other things.  Yes, I have struggled with being sad about that and worried about the "what if" I have to move quite a lot. 

One of my greatest painful realizations when I was divorced is that I would probably never live in another house that I owned.  It was the realization that I would probably always be a renter.  Of course, there are perks to being a renter, but I love the feeling of "my home" and the freedom and security that provides.  "My Home" means I belong somewhere even if it is just me.  I guess, until my divorce, I had never realized how much that meant to me.  Maybe I am somewhat of a homebody?

I do love this little house, though.  I love all the great things and all the quirky "why was that done that way" things.  I see amazing potential that could be brought out with just a few little sweat equity projects.  I envision what a little yard work would do for it. I love walking the tree lined streets of the neighborhood.  But, I really think the reason I love it, is I feel safe here. 

My boys and I came here at a time when nothing in life felt Ok or safe or right. I was lost and very afraid.  This little brick cottage came to me out of a fluke, an unexpected turn and it provided a haven for my boys, my dog (now 2 dogs), and I to start our new life.  We worked through a lot of pain  and all of us have done a lot of growing up in this house (still are.) This is where we learned to do life, just us.  This is where that first Christmas tree went up after our family became fractured.  It was hard, but we did it.  So many firsts, some good and some bad, have happen here it feels like a lifetime has been lived here.  Yes, I know it is just a building but to me it is more....it is home.  I have been blessed to have had these walls wrapped around my family to keep us safe, and secure. It has covered us through storms both inside and out.    Here's to this amazing little brick cottage in the heart of Florence!