Sunday, June 21, 2015

Happy Father's Day 2015

“Children are gifts. They are not ours for the breaking. They are ours for the making.”
Dan Pearce

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Sunday, June 14, 2015

Congratulations Class of 2015!

I guess the time always sneaks up on you and it did when  my oldest son graduated from High School a couple of weeks ago.  Some how I have been bombarded with memories of him as a chubby baby and growing into the young man I am getting to know each day.  He has come through some rough patches and I am proud of where he seems to be heading now.  It is always bittersweet at one of these milestones because you are so happy for them and their accomplishments but you miss that baby that used to sleep in your arms. 

He and I have had a hard time working out what our new life looks like together but I think we have finally gotten a groove that works for both of us.  He has helped me and taken care of me in ways I know he never wanted to have to do, but he stepped up and did it.  He has a big heart, but tries to hide it but I still get glimpses from time to time.  He is going to be a good man, a real man.

 I was so proud to be with him at his special day and celebrate his accomplishments.
 I love him more than he will ever know and am so very proud of him.

I think one thing I will miss most is the trail of boys that seem to wander through my kitchen on their way upstairs to watch TV or play video games.  Having them in the house this past year has kept it from feeling so lonely and I know that God has something special in store for each of these friends and I hope life allows them to keep their bonds.
 I can assure you these boys kept things lively and I never knew what silly, craziness they would come up with but I wouldn't trade it for the world!

Friday, June 5, 2015

Ready to Travel

Brunette or blonde, we had it covered!
I promise my life has not been all gloom and doom as the last post probably made it seem.  This spring has had a lot of new and fun adventures and I have gained more new friends in the last few months than probably the last 3 decades combined.  The kind of friends that have your back or a trash can waiting when you need to throw up…you know the kind. 
One new thing is that I have fallen in love with traveling.  I don’t know why I didn’t ever get to do it before when I was married (well I do know, because I was home rearing children!)  but I am determined to see the world even if it is on my thin dime.  In April I took a cruise with a group of girlfriends, technically (in pure 13 year old boy fashion) we named our trip the IHT 1st Annual Tour (on Instagram you can #IHTTOUR for a glimpse of our time)…which by the way was fabulous!!!  And no, I won’t be telling you what #IHT means. We traveled to Nassau and while laying on that white sand beach I just decided to relocate there and any family that cared to join me would be welcomed…eh, that did not work but it was a life changing idea.

Do you know that was the 1st time in my life I have done anything just for me?  Weird, huh?  I mean it was totally about and for me and it was wonderful.  I was able to clear my head, make some decisions and have lots of other fun that shall not be named, but there is video and probably some photos and lots of dancing so we shall hope they never see the light of day.  We #IHT girls are already planning a fall trip to the mountains, although with the hilly terrain and the copious amount of adult beverages ingested it might be dangerous.

When this trip first came up I was really hesitant but my best wing-girl kept pushing and I am so glad she did because I got to show off my new red bathing suit and that in itself was worth the whole trip.  And, I for sure have a new favorite color….the blue of the Caribbean waters.  It is really quite funny because that has been the color I have been introducing in my house little by little long before the trip. It is mesmerizing.  If you have ever the chance to sit on a balcony in the middle of the ocean and watch the full moon do not pass up the opportunity in any way, shape, or form.  It is a life changer.
I am so in love with the color of the water, I want everything that color!

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Monday, June 1, 2015

I was Divorced on Friday.

Friday was the day.  The day when my husband took me into a court room and divorced me.  I have spent the last year praying it would never happen. I can not even begin to tell you how many people have actively gotten on their knees an prayed over us and him.  I have prayed he would choose to love me again and come home to our family...but he didn't.  He has moved on an did it a long time ago.  Our 26 years of marriage and 30 years together were nothing.  During the proceedings he never looked at me, afterwards when I sat alone in my car crying he chose to walk by and not acknowledge me or see if I was OK.  That is when I realize what I really must mean to him. 
But, that isn't the way I felt for him all those years.  I loved him more than life itself and gave him everything I had to give. I was far from perfect but I gave him all my heart, devotion an adoration and believed his words and actions.  I believed in a God that had created us for each other an ordained our family as His. Now...I don't know. I truly believed we were created for each other because God knew the issues we would face and he made us so that we would weather the storms until my husband gave up. I don't even know what I believe anymore.
The saddest thing. though, is how his choices have destroyed what was once a happy, whole family that loved each other.  Now the bonds are broken...between Mother & Daughter, Sister & Brother, Brothers, Father & Son.  We are just the rubble of what once was. Rubble he never has to see. We paid for his choices in our pain. But he is happy and whole.
I realize many people will feel I shouldn't have written this post but it has been a long time since I have felt brave enough to write about us, our family, our marriage.  I am feeling braver now and maybe that is a good sign.  Maybe it is a sign of healing within myself, maybe it is growth, maybe I have had my eyes opened to reality, maybe it is just done. I haven't cried all weekend because the man that sat in that courtroom I did not know, and did not want to maybe love does go away.
If you have a wife or a husband and/or children, hug them a little tighter, a little longer with a little more intention because it can all be gone in a blink of an eye. Choose to love, even if it is just choosing to love living today just a little more! :-)
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