Two steps forward, Three steps back...

I have been doing really well lately, or at least I thought I had been..  I haven’t cried in a while.  But today, when I was getting my youngest ready for camp I opened a drawer and saw all sorts of memories.  They were clothes he had out grown, clothes from happier times when we had a whole family.  The tears started and I couldn’t stop them.  I just wanted to lay down in those clothes and cry myself to sleep.  I am crying again now as I think about it.  I miss my family and what family meant so very much.  We are now full of fractures filled with anger, hate and mistrust.  One thing I wanted my entire life is for my children to have close loving relationships with each other and I am seeing that dissolve before my very eyes. I hate this. I miss having back up when a child rearing issue comes up.. I miss knowing that there is someone who can step in when I can't handle it.  I am so tired of doing this alone.  I miss having someone to share the day with…I am lonely.  

I am tired of being strong when I really feel like “where are you God?” Why did this happen to us?

When will it ever, ever, ever get easier?

Banana Bread, Frugalista Style

I am committed to becoming a better steward of what I have been given and one big area that I think I can save is in the kitchen/pantry.  Years ago I was a good couponer and did most of our cooking/baking at home but over the last few years that just went away.  The last couple of years, in particular, saw me almost completely stop cooking/baking.  I used to really enjoy it, though, and I think if I could get back in the swing of things I would enjoy it again and it would be better financially and health wise.  Not to mention, with 2 boys and their friends, it is important to always have some snacky stuff on hand.

So today I decided rather than throwing out the 3 bananas that had seen better days I would make banana bread!  I found this recipe which called for just a few ingredients (all of which I had on hand!)

Banana Bread

• 3 or 4 ripe bananas, smashed
• 1/3 cup melted butter
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1-1/2 self rising flour

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. With a fork mix the butter into the mashed bananas in a large mixing bowl.  Mix in the sugar, egg and vanilla. Add the flour last and mix well. Spray a 4x8 inch loaf pan with no stick spray. Pour mixture into prepared loaf pan. Bake for 1 hour.  Cool on rack before removing from pan Iif you can wait that long!) Slice and enjoy!

Happy 4th of July, 2014

I can't believe I am actually sitting here on the 4th blogging about the day already, but my kiddos are both napping from the fun we have had already.  I am not even sure we will make it out to see the fireworks because they are so pooped!

 Me and my baby girl!

 There were races (that is my sweet baby boy on the very right!)

 And, of course, diving for dollars saps one's energy!

 And most of all aggressive water volley ball will really take it out of you!

So, I am hoping for a second wind so we can catch the fireworks later and finish up this really wonderful celebration!  I hope you had a wonderful day filled with friends, family and fun.

No Point

Why is it when someone develops a habit of "making points", no matter how subtle or whether in word or deed, they begin to see "points being made in everything and by  everyone else?   I know I am guilty of that.  But, I am tired of points being made and pains being inflicted just to make a point.  I want to lay down my weapons and just trust other people.  I want to think the best of others and not be afraid.  I just want to trust..and be trusted.

Signed, tired....