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| Now... Then... What a post! I am getting real and showing you now (2022) versus then (2013 - the worst time in my life.) I can tell you all about how much more there is of me NOW: more curves, more brunette, more wrinkles, more physical, spiritual, and mental health, lots more strength, more boundaries, more confidence, more love, more laughs, more grace. But there were some definite "mores" of me back THEN too: more blonde, more sickness, more tears, more pain, more loss, more fear, more thigh gap.   Well, just maybe I would take a little of that thigh gap back and lose a curve or two but honestly, I am pretty amazed at who I have become. I don't dwell too much on what has happened in the past and the time I lost because of those events but something about these two photos...taken in exact same place, during the same holiday week made me do some comparisons of myself. The blonde lady on the right was gearing up for the fight of her life, and little did she know everything about life as she knew it would be gone within weeks. She had no idea the basis and foundation of her world would disappear. She had no idea her health was literally failing and would leave her in a medical crisis for the next 3 years. She had no idea that she would be forging a life as a single parent. She had no idea she would have to start a life on her own in just weeks. She just didn't know...she was holding onto hope and a belief that commitments and promises were honest and full of truth. Her ability to comprehend how much one could lose was just not there....yet...but she learned. Through the years since that skinny blonde, went back to her roots...quite literally (brunette joke!) she learned a lot. It wasn't quick and it wasn't easy and I never want to repeat the lessons life has taught me. No one is more aware of the price I have paid than I am. I did not deserve what happened to me. But, when I look at the plump brunette on the left, I see strength that was earned through battles fought. All the battles weren't won and there are still scars that show from time to time. The wins often look different than I could have imagined. I have lost a lot but I have gained a life that I could have never dreamed. Some of it is a trade off...even I know that nothing is ever an even trade. Mostly, though, I am MORE! I am EXTRA and proud of it. Ultimately, I have the best win in knowing that those who couldn't take me when I was that "then girl" could never handle or be worthy of the "now girl". |
