Memorial Day 2016

On this day, truly a somber holiday, but has turned into a 3 day party weekend to kick off the Summer or a big shopping day for most of us;  I hope you will stop and say a prayer of thanks for the brave men and women who gave their lives in the battle for our freedom.  Each of those lives were the lives of heroes...the sons, daughters, brother, sisters, mothers, fathers. Their family & friends still feel the lose of their loved ones. 

Take a moment, it is the least we can do.

Can you believe it has been almost 3 months since I have been here?

My attempt to come back to blogging has proven to be more challenging than  it ever used to be!  I don't know if it has been a state of mind, lack of time or just missing muse, but I am back and really hope that I can open up more and share and make this place on the internets mine!  I met so many wonderful friends online and in real life through blogging; not to mention it was really a wonderful way to journal my life...the good, the bad and the ugly!  So many of you gave me so much support as my life crumbled and it was a beautiful gift.  I find myself now writing blog posts in my mind while on the way to an appointment or meeting but never seeming to make it away from my work computer long enough to blog on my personal computer!

I talked a lot about transparency, but that is a trait I am still refining and as my life has changed so very much in the last 3 years it has taken on new meaning and relevance.  I have been accused on many occasions of being fake.  I know that was a term chosen for its intended blow because I tried to live as transparently as possible, while not hurting others and hiding secrets not my own.  But, now, in my "new life" I can be perfectly transparent and perfectly imperfect.  So maybe that isn't a bad trade? 

Right now, at this very moment, I am full of joy and also sadness.  I am joyful because after living in what felt like a perpetual state of being underwater, I have finally broken through the surface and am breathing again.  Color is seeping back into my world. I am sad because I have missed so much allowing myself to become one of the walking wounded.  I have not been the Mother I wish I could have been.  Yes, I was a "good enough" Mother, providing and making sure everything was taken care of but I wish I had been more...but I am imperfect.  I failed my children in so many ways and they deserved better.  I deserved better. My friends and family deserved better.  But...I am finished with blaming and stumbling...I am ready to walk forward and learn to dance. 

For so many years I lived in a state of fear and I am finally not afraid anymore.  I am seeing God work in my life and I am seeking comfort in His Word again for the first time in a long time.  I am so glad that He knows me better than I know myself and He is patient, even with a particularly difficult, hard-headed child like me! :-)

Mourning has ended and the sun has come to shine again.  I will face battles still, but I will survive, win or lose. I will make mistakes but  I will make it...because I am stronger than we could have ever imagined. 

Lets talk purses....

If you understand the above quote then I am sure we can be friends...if not, well I can be sure it will be a much more challenging friendship to grow.  You see, I am very particular about my purses.  I am not sure when this particular idiosyncrasy happened, but somewhere along the line it hit me in a way very little else in fashion does.  My life is about fashion, cosmetics, fragrance and jewelry by trade so I do happen to love most of those things dearly and am very grateful that I get to have a career dealing with beautiful and wonderful things, but when it comes to MY purse all bets are off. 

 

In truth, I am not sure anyone could purchase a purse for me that I would love unless I specifically told them which one ahead of time.  I don't even have a brand name need in the purses I love. I will shop in the oddest of places for just the right purse.  Right now I am carrying a Prada black paten tote, which will soon be replaced by an adorable bit of spring I found which carries no fancy name.  For me, a purse has to be so many things: it has to be the right weight, the right strap length, big enough for my life, be able to sit upright and politely when placed on the floor or table, slim enough to sit next to me in the car and above all else it has to be CUTE!  Yes, CUTE!  I like flair in my purse and I don't desire to see anyone else carrying the same one. Thinking back I think don't think that has ever happened! 

 

I am not a daily purse swapper, nor do I generally match them to my outfit. I am seasonal purse girl and right now I am itching for Easter to arrive so I can pull out my newest find which thrills me to no end!  I saw it online and had to order it right away and it hit on all the right marks and is just sitting in my closet whispering to me that Spring is almost here......

Now all I have to do is find an Easter dress that coordinates with my new purse and the stars will be aligned!

So tell me about your purse-son-ality?

 



Coughing and Crowns, not to be confused with Crown Royale!

Yes, sickness has hit me.  I can't believe it....even with some major chronic illness issues, I really never get sick.  But today was my lucky day (hey, maybe I should buy a lotto ticket???) After much harassment from my son, I broke down and went to the doctor.  I love my doctor and he is a super guy but he has generally dealt with major illness with me and when he looked at my records he realized he had never had to treat me for like a "regular illness."  I was diagnosed with severe bronchitis bordering on pneumonia and if I don't improve in the next 24 hours I have to do chest x-rays because he feels sure I have developed full blown pneumonia. I don't know about all that but I do know I don't have time for this.  This is a super busy and pressure filled week at work and I need to be on top my game.  ARGH!!!

When I came home with my very large dose of steroids, antibiotics, cough meds, and an inhaler, I washed it all down with a chocolate Frosty AFTER I put on my crown because I have just determined life is just better with a crown.  I love my crown.  I wish it were bigger and sparklier but I am working on that!  I feel like after what I have been through over the last 2+ years I have earned lots of pretty sparkly things, especially a crown!  Oh, and not to mention it holds my hair back just as perfectly as the standard "Mom" headband called sunglasses!

Of course, this is a pre-sick crown day!  But see how it just makes everything look happier!  By the way did I mention I have found a new hobby....being eccentric in the most Southern of ways.  Tomorrow maybe we will talk about my Spring purse that is waiting patiently in the closet for Easter so that it can make it's debut (oh, and I think I found my Easter dress today as well!)

2016 and being the Mother of the Bride

Can it be that I have not blogged in over a month?  For shame!!!!  I suppose work has been busy (actually work seems to keep busy 24/7!)  Then I have home and Mommy duties to take care of and a couple of volunteer organizations I belong to...so I think blogging lost out to everything else.  But I have missed it.  The last couple of weeks so many times I planned to blog but then I didn't for what ever reason. 

I am getting more organized and adjusted to my life and what being a single Mom and working full time means lately.  I am getting my house organized a little at a time, even though that feels like an uphill battle.  I am starting to force myself into areas that I used to love and I have gotten away from in the last couple of years like cooking and gardening.  If I can find time to read for pleasure I will feel pretty accomplished!

One thing I don't think I have mentioned is 2016 makes me a Mother of the Bride!  Yes, my beautiful daughter is getting married in April.  She is so excited and wedding invitations have gone out and plans finalized.  It is a strange season for me personally...my baby girl is getting married.  How can that be real?  My daughter actually gave me the super cute tote bag in the picture for Christmas so I carry it every chance I get because lets be real, how often do I get to be a Mother of the Bride....just once!

So, here's to blogging again and learning write and sharing my life! 

The House...

Just because I need a little pink in my life!

Happy 2016!!! Let your Sparkle Shine!

Happy New Year.  After blogging for 10 years on my other blog I am apparently having trouble truly getting started again and immersing myself in the blogging culture that provides so much inspiration and motivation to write and share.  Maybe it is due in part to the very fact that I am learning who I am again, slowly...and finally, bit by bit, remembering what I loved when I started to journal online.  This rediscovery is not painless and is not a quick process in the least, but I am accepting it with as much grace as possible and find myself sometimes surprised and what I have loved and forgotten.  There are things that brought me complete and total happiness that I just stopped remembering as I stumbled through painful and stormy days in the last couple of years.  It is hard to imagine how much of your heart and soul you can let go of and never realize it. 

 Of course, maybe it is because I don't have the many friends and family who used to read my blog to help keep me involved that I don't turn here as much; but I suppose that is part of a new start as well.  I am able to come here, and rediscover my muse (or what little of it is left.)  I have no idea if anyone reads this blog or not so in some ways there is no pressure to produce or be the face that had be painted by my earlier blog.  I am able to completely transparent...a rare thing in life. 

I have done a lot of thinking over the last few weeks and I do know I want to be the lady I once was, through and through.  I want to be able to see beauty in weeds and good in people.  I want to give of myself without fear and unselfishly.  I want to see my children and sometimes feel the love that overwhelms you and brings you to tears for no reason other than pure love.  I want a clear mind and heart that is open to new adventures, old and new friends. I want to the strength and motivation to pour into others.  Most of all, though, I want prayer and God in the center of my life regardless of the circumstances.  I want God's best in my life in all ways.  That is probably as close to a "resolution for the New Year" as you will get from me this year.  This year is about living, truly living through the dark and the light and I don't have a resolution... just a determination. 

Happy New Year, blogland!