New Steps, New Life...

 

2,557 days ago, exactly 7 years ago, I stepped out in faith and walked into a new life.  It would be wonderful to say I had a grand plan, direction, or purpose, but I did not.  Literally, I was walking blindly from the world’s and even my own perspective.  I  looked into the faces of my sons and said where do you want to live, and they chose to return to our previous town.  I had no where to live, no job …just a car full of stuff, 2 amazing boys, and a dog.  The only thing I knew is who we were spending the night with and where the boys were to report to school the next day.  It now, quite literally, seems insane.  But, like many things we think to be insane, God was at work.  Although I will never understand His tactics, I do trust His plan.  I know I have not always, I have doubted, I have denied, I have fought against, but ultimately it is all His plan and there is a peace in that.

Peace is something that does not come naturally to me.  I am an anxious person …a worrier, an over thinker, a mind racer, scenario creator, all dripping with a terribly wild imagination.  But, finally, there are things that I have peace about. Issues I never thought I would lay to rest because I did not understand them or didn’t know “why.”  Peace came when I realized it does not matter. I do not have to know “why” and there are things I will never understand.  God gets it – ALL.  He knows “why” and He understands.

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

What a week....

This week has not be the easiest of weeks.  My oldest son is moving out to find life on his own and heading to a new college, several hours away, in a week or so. He has been staying with friends this week and the last of his stuff will be gone on Sunday. He is actually moving out and not just to college. It is a change of season. He is going to be fine. I love him and know he wants to take on life on his own terms but as a Mom my emotions have been all over the place due to many issues.  At the very least, I can say  it is has been rocky.

Also, I am not sure if I  mentioned it, but my company phased out all Field Management within the organization at the end of June, so for the last month I have been on the roller coaster ride of unemployment.  It has meant countless hours of looking for a job, sending resumes, contacting everyone I know and fortunately interviews. It has also meant a huge weight of stress and fighting fear about the future.  This is not my favorite part of doing life alone!  I was sad to see my job go (not just for the obvious reasons!) but because I truly loved what I did and loved the people I worked with and for. I miss working with all of the sweet souls I met, but at least now I can count them as friends and not co-workers.  Either way, you can imagine this month/week has been a challenge to my sense of equilibrium and peace. 

Losing my job sent me into a real tailspin emotionally, especially since I was unaware of how invested I was in my job.  So, without it, I lost some traction, direction and a great deal of security.  Trust me when I say I have had to pray over this one.  I am praying God places me where HE wants me and that I don't run ahead of him out of fear (something I am particularly good at!) 

Strangely enough, being unemployed also has taken a toll on my school focus. Being a full time college student and working full time was not easy but somehow it worked; maybe it was the firmer schedule?  Originally I thought, "Wow, I will be able to take some time and really focus on school and just buzz through this class!" Not so, actually it has been harder to get school work done because every time I sit down at the computer I feel the need to look for a job, send a resume,  etc.  So, tonight, on this exciting and beautiful Friday night...I am writing a paper.  Whooohooo....I can feel the jealously through the screen here. 

So, I guess this is my whiny....#betransparent post of the week.  I would appreciate prayers, if you are so inclined, for my family as we transition into our new season and that what ever God is trying to teach me I will learn and it will grow me into a better person.

Peace is what I want more than anything...

Peace by Sarah Young on FaithGateway

I was talking with a friend yesterday and we were discussing plans for last night and I mentioned that more than anything I needed a distraction.  During this season I am not living in the place of peace that allows me to just enjoy the silence.  The silence in my life is deafening, so I fill it with distractions.  The needs from other people are paralyzing so I find a distraction. I can't wait to arrive in that season of peace where silence is golden and feeling settled and calm is the norm.  So this morning, this was my devotional, and it couldn't have been more timely because I know my mind is constantly churning trying to figure out answers to things that don't make sense (that never will,) and through my agitation I give peace no where to land.

Peace
by Sarah Young, from Jesus Calling
The Peace that I give you transcends your intellect.
When most of your mental energy goes into efforts to figure things out, you are unable to receive this glorious gift. I look into your mind and see thoughts spinning round and round: going nowhere, accomplishing nothing. All the while, My Peace hovers over you, searching for a place to land.
Be still in My Presence, inviting Me to control your thoughts.
Let My Light soak into your mind and heart, until you are aglow with My very Being. This is the most effective way to receive My Peace.
2 Thessalonians 3:16; Job 22:21

Another Year Dawning...

As we are once again, in a new location (albeit one much closer to family & friends and somewhere we have lived before), we have been visiting churches and looking for a church home.  The Sunday after Christmas we visited a church we were members of 20 years ago.  I am not sure that will end up being our church home again but the sermon resonated with me as the New Year dawned.  The Pastor spoke about how sometimes things have to be shaken up and how sometimes we need a new perspective…a God view. That really caught my attention because I know that sometimes I get so locked into my perspective I can’t even imagine there is another…much less a God one.  The last few months my perspective has been shaken up and for a time I was so blinded by my pain and MY perspective I couldn’t even begin to see God…but then one day I felt a faint sense of peace.  You know the kind, a “…peace of God, which surpasses all understanding…"(Philippians 4:7)  It was the gentle hand of a loving God awakening my hearts cry for Him.  It was the comforting arm of a God that will be there to love me through the pain.  It was the awakening of a hunger that only He can satisfy. 

Another Year Dawning

Another Year is dawning, dear Father, let it be

In working or in waiting, another year with Thee.

Another year of progress, another year of praise,

Another year of proving Your presence all the days.

Another year of mercies, of faithfulness and grace,

Another year of gladness in the shining of Your face;

Another year of leaning upon Your faithfulness;

Another year of trusting, of quiet, happy rest.

Another year of service, of witness for Thy love,

Another year of training for holier work above.

Another year is dawning, dear Father, let it be

On earth, or else in Heaven, another  year for Thee.

~Francis Havergal