Wise words on Worry...

Source: spirituallythinking.blogspot.com via Centsational on Pinterest

This quote is from Corrie Ten Boom (who, if you haven't read about her or know her story, is pretty amazing and inspiring and worth checking out!)  and I am trying to take it to heart and practice it every day!  Though I tend to then worry about whether or not I am just living in denial (yes....obsessive, I know!) but I keep trying to focus on this verse from Matthew:

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34 (NIV)

Can you tell I am a worrier???  Yes, it is true.  I am a planner, an organizer, and by nature an obsessive worrier.  It is genetic, I come from a long line of obsessive worriers.  We literally have it down to a hyperventilating, hand wringing science.    One thing that is coming out of the current trials I am dealing with is having to face that I have no control.    Really, it is so much bigger than I am.  So, I am trying out the experience of living in this very moment (which is really hard if you are always worrying about the next moment) and having faith enough to get through it. Since I have no control, there is no need to worry.  You see, my worry comes out of the struggle to have some sense of control over situations and fear.  I have no control...and God is with me so I will not fear...and I will hold boldly to that in this moment!

Monday Musings: Gethsemane?

The word Gethsemane means “crushed olives.” And from crushed olives comes oil that heals, illuminates, and nourishes. We all have our Gethsemane. To understand and embrace yours, look at the night Christ spent there before going to the cross: “Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them…‘My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch [pray] with me.’ Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will’” (vv.36-39 NIV). Notice: (1) Gethsemane is where your prayers are not answered as you’d like them to be. God understands how you feel, and He has a better plan in mind. (2) Gethsemane is where those closest to you cannot help. Like Christ’s disciples, they will pray with you for a while but then grow tired and give up. At this point, you pray alone. You go on alone. (3) Gethsemane is where you feel the full weight of God’s will. The Old Testament prophets spoke of “the burden of the Word of the Lord.” Luke tells us that in Gethsemane Jesus was “full of pain” and that “his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground” (See Lk 22:44). We used to sing in church, “All that I have, all that I am, all I shall ever be; cannot repay the love debt I owe; I surrender to Thee!” If you’re finding it easier to sing than to surrender, you’re in Gethsemane! originally written by Word For You Today.

The above was in my devotional last Friday.  It ruminated with me all weekend as it was one of those wonderful gifts that God provides at just the right time.  I couldn’t help but see clearly how these words are written just for me:

(1) Gethsemane is where your prayers are not answered as you’d like them to be. God understands how you feel, and He has a better plan in mind.This one is a hard one.  I have prayed, and prayed specific prayers and they have not been answered in the way I would have liked.  I wanted something else, God knows what I need.  He knows what will bring glory to Him, He has a far greater plan than I could have…so now I am  (and sometimes struggle) with thanking Him for His plan and awe filled that I am part of it.

(2) Gethsemane is where those closest to you cannot help. Like Christ’s disciples, they will pray with you for a while but then grow tired and give up. At this point, you pray alone. You go on alone.  Oh, how these words are written for my heart.  The situation that I face is so much bigger than I am and, unfortunately it isn’t something others can fix.  I must face it…but HE is there and it is not bigger than He is! I can feel secure in knowing that no matter what the earthly situation is that He will never desert me and will be there in the end.

(3) Gethsemane is where you feel the full weight of God’s will. The Old Testament prophets spoke of “the burden of the Word of the Lord.” Luke tells us that in Gethsemane Jesus was “full of pain” and that “his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground” (See Lk 22:44)  As a Christian, I have to admit (though I wish it weren't true), I often struggle with God’s will.  It isn’t always easy to accept and just skip merrily down the path saying, “Oh, no matter, it is God’s will.”  At least for me, it isn’t always easy.  I want everything to work out the way I want them to work.  I want.  The basic truth is…I want MY will.  I have moments of pure anxiety and fear which are born out of the desire for my will and my heart struggling with what is God’s will.  My will is comfortable, easy, even if it isn’t what is best.  God’s will is perfect, complete, and best, but sometimes is painful for me…just as Jesus (full of sinless perfection and grace) felt the pain of God’s will in the garden that night.

After reading these words, I know that I am in my Gethsemane.  I am alone with God in my Gethsemane and I am praying for the healing, illumination and nourishment that come from the oil of those crushed olives and I am thanks filled.

Tackling the New Season

Whether or not I was (am) ready  I have found myself in a new season of life.  It isn't a dark season, it is just a different season. 

In the last 6 months, my husband took a new job in a new state, my daughter graduated high school, we left a town that we loved and had lived in for the better part of 10 years, we left a church and church family that was second to none, we moved into a new town, we have a new-to-us house that needs a big dose of TLC, we took my baby girl off to college and left her there(!!!) and my boys started a new school.  Oh, and not to mention, I find myself basically living in a household full of males for the first time and far away from the majority of my girlfriends! Overall the changes are to be considered positive...but I am not really all on board with change, especially a lot of it!!!

The last few weeks, as we were preparing to take my daughter to college, have been -honestly- pretty hard.  Beyond the surface changes that have gone on, I have struggled with this new season deep down.  I don't feel old enough to send a child off into the world (albeit a college campus isn't exactly the world, but Mamas know what I mean).  I still see myself as the Mom of children...small children...but I don't have any of those anymore.  My youngest turns 9 in two weeks.  See, I liked having little ones under foot.  So, I am struggling to fit into my new season a bit.  I feel blessed by my life, but as I  look around, I am bit lost about where the next step is leading. 

We have been visiting churches in our area, and although they have all been nice we aren't sure if we have found the right one yet.  Because I am not plugged in right now, and I truly miss my Ladies Bible Studies, I have a book that I am going to start solo tomorrow.  It is Praying for Purpose for Women by Katie Brazelton.  It is laid out in a 60 Day format with a short study for each day.  I think it will be nice to spend some time in prayer over what exactly God is calling me to do in this new season of life. 

"...you are only a steward of the personality, roles, and talents He has entrusted to you."

~ Katie Brazelton in  Praying for Purpose for Women

Guess where I will be on April 24, 2010?

http://www.BethMooreAtlanta.com

and I can't wait!

The Whole Megillah

I have been a bit lacking in my 2009 blogging so far. I could blame it on the fact that I had a sick child last week, or that both of my boys had multiple basketball games/practices last week, or even that I have been delving into a cure for a deadly disease, but in all honesty, it is because part of my New Year's resolution was to simplify my life and one big element of that is making intentional choices on how I spend my time. I imagine it makes me a major geek, but I could spend all day sitting at this computer reading blogs and other "important" stuff. Yes, I realize that would make me a super, well-rounded, and well-read individual but it doesn't work into my simplification ideas because it tends to make me less than stellar in other areas of life...like, uh...laundry or actually talking to my family. Another area that I tend to compromise if I spend too much time online is my spiritual life. If I am not terribly careful I will literally give my Bible study time away to this machine.

In an attempt to really get into the Word this year I have joined in a new Beth Moore Bible study about the life of Ester. It is called "Esther - It's Tough Being a Woman" We met for the 1st time last week and even with only 1 session I am very excited about this study. I have done one other Beth Moore study, the one on Daniel, and really liked it; though it was challenging!!! The neat thing about this particular study is how it seems like it came at the exact time when I (yes, it is all about me!) needed it and it fits perfectly into where I am wanting to focus my heart, mind and soul. My MIL and and a couple of other family members are hopefully going to do this study at their church; so I am also hoping we can have some lively discussions on this study in the coming months. I would love to know if any of you are doing this study as well.