This week has been one of firsts and a week full of Mommy Meloncoly. My dd starts high school tomorrow. I would like to say I am excited and thrilled like she is, but I would be lying. I am terrified, scared and sad. She is my first born and my only baby girl. My DH and I have spent her entire life trying to shelter her and keep her safe. Now, she wants to go over to that big High School and leave the cloistered life she has led up until this point. I have known for months that this was coming. It is here and I just keep tearing up about it. What on earth will I do when she goes off to college?
I keep thinking about her first day of preschool. She was 2 months shy of turning 3 and she seemed so grown up. I cried that day...she didn't. She even thought I should drop her off on the side walk and she would go in by herself. She wore the cutest Osh Kosh pink/white striped jumper and little, tiny white Keds sneakers. She insisted on wearing her pink heart shaped watch (even though she couldn't tell time) and took "Mama Bear" along with her. We had even found a pink Hello Kitty Backpack that had a Spottie Dottie on the back that squeaked if you pressed it; inside that pink backpack she took along a notebook with pink paper printed with ballet slippers.
I left Fort Hill Preschool and felt lost. She had been my constant companion for almost 3 years. I can't help but wonder how will feel tomorrow. I have been informed, in no uncertain terms, that I will NOT be allowed to take my traditional 1st Day of School photos and I am to just drop her off at the door. It will be different than that 1st Day of Preschool, as I will have 2 little boys in the backseat and we will head off to buy school supplies for their 1st Day of School next week.
Many hours have been spent in prayer this week. My sweet baby girl has been in the sheltered environment of our beloved private school and now we are entereing uncharted territory with the public school. I keep going over and over the fact that I know she has a good foundation and she loves God and seeks Him for her life. I also keep trying to remember verses to comfort me...
"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abid under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him I will trust." Psalm 91:1-2
I keep thinking about her first day of preschool. She was 2 months shy of turning 3 and she seemed so grown up. I cried that day...she didn't. She even thought I should drop her off on the side walk and she would go in by herself. She wore the cutest Osh Kosh pink/white striped jumper and little, tiny white Keds sneakers. She insisted on wearing her pink heart shaped watch (even though she couldn't tell time) and took "Mama Bear" along with her. We had even found a pink Hello Kitty Backpack that had a Spottie Dottie on the back that squeaked if you pressed it; inside that pink backpack she took along a notebook with pink paper printed with ballet slippers.
I left Fort Hill Preschool and felt lost. She had been my constant companion for almost 3 years. I can't help but wonder how will feel tomorrow. I have been informed, in no uncertain terms, that I will NOT be allowed to take my traditional 1st Day of School photos and I am to just drop her off at the door. It will be different than that 1st Day of Preschool, as I will have 2 little boys in the backseat and we will head off to buy school supplies for their 1st Day of School next week.
Many hours have been spent in prayer this week. My sweet baby girl has been in the sheltered environment of our beloved private school and now we are entereing uncharted territory with the public school. I keep going over and over the fact that I know she has a good foundation and she loves God and seeks Him for her life. I also keep trying to remember verses to comfort me...
"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abid under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him I will trust." Psalm 91:1-2
I know there are lots of Moms out there who will roll their eyes at my tears and drama and tell me in that knowing way, "Just you wait, it gets worse." But, for me, today feels really hard.
I am praying for peace and strength for you, as well as for her. Public high school is a new territory and not all of us did so well there.
ReplyDeleteLord, I place this young girl and her mother in Your Almighty Hands. Lord you are their strength and their sheild and a mighty refuge in times of trouble. Lord give them both your absolute peace and strength and wisdom that each may know what is right throughout the day.
((hugs))
ReplyDeleteIt has always been hard for me to let go too!
my whole body and soul just goes into rebellion!
my daughter will be here this time tomorrow Lord Willing and she'll bring those sweet grandkids with her...I can't wait...I hate living so far away...it is only 5 hours but I feel the rift so deep sometimes...sorry...didn't mean to talk about myself...I shedding a tear for us both!!!
You don't know me. I link to your blog alot from Jessica: Waiting for the other shoe to drop. I really enjoy your blog and your beautiful home.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. I homeschooled my children. My son is now entering his second year of college. It is really hard to let them go out there and experience the world that you have no control over. It is really hard to rest in comfort knowing God will watch over them. I know he will, but it's still hard.
Good luck to you and your daughter. I'm sure she will handle it well and be a great influence on all those around her. Your family sounds precious.--Susan in Florida
Hi..I came across your site thru BooMama's home tour. Children grow so fast. I will be praying for you as your oldest daughter starts public high school.
ReplyDeleteHeather, Tammy, Dawn and others...thank you so much for your prayers and cyber hugs. I know there are bigger issues in the world but I have struggled mightly with this particular one. Your prayers and support help so much.
ReplyDeleteI remember when the Legal Adult went to high school. I cried all day. My middle son is starting middle school this year and I'm equally as sad. I will pray for you!
ReplyDeleteYou know I'm right there with you, but my dd doesn't start until the 21st......I so know how you feel! The one difference is that SHE is my BABY! Two boys go before her, and they've done fine. She is the most independent of all three, and I know she will do fine, too, but I do pray God will go with her and protect and guard her. So I'm praying for you and yours and will ask you to do the same for us!!! Love ya!
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