What a week....

This week has not be the easiest of weeks.  My oldest son is moving out to find life on his own and heading to a new college, several hours away, in a week or so. He has been staying with friends this week and the last of his stuff will be gone on Sunday. He is actually moving out and not just to college. It is a change of season. He is going to be fine. I love him and know he wants to take on life on his own terms but as a Mom my emotions have been all over the place due to many issues.  At the very least, I can say  it is has been rocky.

Also, I am not sure if I  mentioned it, but my company phased out all Field Management within the organization at the end of June, so for the last month I have been on the roller coaster ride of unemployment.  It has meant countless hours of looking for a job, sending resumes, contacting everyone I know and fortunately interviews. It has also meant a huge weight of stress and fighting fear about the future.  This is not my favorite part of doing life alone!  I was sad to see my job go (not just for the obvious reasons!) but because I truly loved what I did and loved the people I worked with and for. I miss working with all of the sweet souls I met, but at least now I can count them as friends and not co-workers.  Either way, you can imagine this month/week has been a challenge to my sense of equilibrium and peace. 

Losing my job sent me into a real tailspin emotionally, especially since I was unaware of how invested I was in my job.  So, without it, I lost some traction, direction and a great deal of security.  Trust me when I say I have had to pray over this one.  I am praying God places me where HE wants me and that I don't run ahead of him out of fear (something I am particularly good at!) 

Strangely enough, being unemployed also has taken a toll on my school focus. Being a full time college student and working full time was not easy but somehow it worked; maybe it was the firmer schedule?  Originally I thought, "Wow, I will be able to take some time and really focus on school and just buzz through this class!" Not so, actually it has been harder to get school work done because every time I sit down at the computer I feel the need to look for a job, send a resume,  etc.  So, tonight, on this exciting and beautiful Friday night...I am writing a paper.  Whooohooo....I can feel the jealously through the screen here. 

So, I guess this is my whiny....#betransparent post of the week.  I would appreciate prayers, if you are so inclined, for my family as we transition into our new season and that what ever God is trying to teach me I will learn and it will grow me into a better person.

I blew it today....again.

photo credit unknown

I blew it today...Again.  I blew it as a Mom.  I failed to bridge a connection and scale a wall that I can't see or don't even know where it starts. I failed to teach respect or honor.  It weighs heavily on me, always.  I think all Mothers feel that when they aren't connecting with their children, no matter how old that child might be.  There is a saying, that you are only as happy as your most unhappy child, and I know for me that has always held true.  I want to be a good Mom and I think being a single Mom, I multiply that pressure  tenfold.  The reality is, I stink at being a Dad, so when I fail at being a good Mom I beat myself up doubly.  Of course, everyone will say don't do that...I just haven't quite figured out how not to yet. 

I am trying so hard to be the Mom I should be, it is literally the top priority in my life as my calling from God. My relationship with my children is only second to my relationship with God.  It is very discouraging when I drop the ball and watch it roll down an endless hill, with little hope of recovery.  I say things I shouldn't, I don't say things I should.  More than anything I want to be a pathway to Christ for my children and when I mess up, like today, I know I am so far off the mark it isn't funny.  Rather than lighting a path...I am building a roadblock.

My greatest earthly blessings are my children.  I know that there is nothing that they will ever do that will stop my love for them.  My greatest desire is for them to grow into Godly men and a Godly woman...much more than I ever have been.  I want them to avoid the pains I have walked through because I wasn't walking with God or putting Him first but sometimes words aren't enough.  I am grateful that God forgives, unfortunately, humans (even our children) aren't so quick to do so no matter how many times we ask.  We are the closest things to God our children often see, they see our failures and humanness and assign it to what they think God is.  That is why it hurts so badly when I fail one of them, because I know I may very well be pushing them further from their Heavenly Father.

So, I get up from my epic fall, wipe off my knees, and hopefully, I will get another day to try again.

Congratulations Class of 2015!

I guess the time always sneaks up on you and it did when  my oldest son graduated from High School a couple of weeks ago.  Some how I have been bombarded with memories of him as a chubby baby and growing into the young man I am getting to know each day.  He has come through some rough patches and I am proud of where he seems to be heading now.  It is always bittersweet at one of these milestones because you are so happy for them and their accomplishments but you miss that baby that used to sleep in your arms. 

He and I have had a hard time working out what our new life looks like together but I think we have finally gotten a groove that works for both of us.  He has helped me and taken care of me in ways I know he never wanted to have to do, but he stepped up and did it.  He has a big heart, but tries to hide it but I still get glimpses from time to time.  He is going to be a good man, a real man.

 I was so proud to be with him at his special day and celebrate his accomplishments.

 I love him more than he will ever know and am so very proud of him.

I think one thing I will miss most is the trail of boys that seem to wander through my kitchen on their way upstairs to watch TV or play video games.  Having them in the house this past year has kept it from feeling so lonely and I know that God has something special in store for each of these friends and I hope life allows them to keep their bonds.

 

 I can assure you these boys kept things lively and I never knew what silly, craziness they would come up with but I wouldn't trade it for the world!

 





Happy Birthday!

Today is the day....the day that my first born baby boy turns 18.  I just can't believe it.  Though, to look at him he looks like a man, he has taken on the responsibilities of a man in many areas of life but I can still see that sweet, innocent baby boy in his eyes if I look quick enough.  I am proud of this young man and I know that God has big things planned for him.  He is becoming a real man, a rock that can also be a soft place to land.  I am blessed to have him in my life and my family.  I never knew 18 years ago what he would come to mean to our family years later...but God knew.  I love this sweet man.

Settling in...

The month of July has flown by!!!  I have been busy unpacking (still not finished) and doing all the stuff you do when trying to settle in a new house and town. 

As much as I was apprehensive about our move to Edenton, NC, it has been really nice.  I am stunned daily by how beautiful it is here and quiet...and peaceful.  Yes, I do miss the convenience of things being "right down the street" but I can see how people fall in love with this little town.  I am looking forward to finally getting unpacked and settling in a rocking chair on my front porch with a glass of iced tea and a good book!

Though there are lots of "to dos" on my list we have still managed to explore the local movie theater (which is on main street, downtown, and only has 2 screens but you can still write a check there!) We have also gone to several college summer league baseball games, eaten at some really good restaurants and spent time on the water. DH and I also managed one impromptu date night with a picnic on the bay.  My youngest has been learning to sail and I think he is pretty hooked.  My oldest son can usually be found at the golf course and both boys seem to be meeting and making friends which is an answer to lots of prayer! 

So, all in all our move is working out well.  I can't tell you how nice it is to have my DH with us full time and to have time to do things together as a family again! 

This is a view from our date night picnic.

DS2 heading out for sailing lessons.

Playing Catch Up - Easter 2013

Since I did not blog about Easter, I wanted to share some photos from the day.  Notice my sweet girl is absent from the photos as she was away visiting her now fiancee's family.

   

 

 

Back to the Blog...

It has been a long while since I have blogged. I have been struggling with some changes in my life and just became pretty much overwhelmed with them for several months so I had to pull back on the blog. But I figured I had better jump back in or so much will have passed that I won’t have a clue where to start.

First off, the main struggle I have faced is we are moving…yes, again.  It was only 3 years ago when we made our last move and we truly hoped it would be the last one.  Well, not so.  My DH began working for a company based out of Edenton, NC last August and I stayed here in SC for the school year.  Although logically the move was something I understood, somewhere after Christmas I just locked down and got pretty depressed about it.  My boys aren’t happy about the move either, which has made it even harder. Our oldest son is in high school, and a move during high school is so hard.  He truly loves it here and loves his school and, of course, his friends. We have even discussed trying to continue splitting our time between SC and NC until he graduated but that would mean we would have to do it for 3 years (including this current year) and that is a long time not to be together except on weekends.  It would mean DH would have to miss out on everything (pretty much) that the boys are involved in and I would be single parenting 2 boys.  I will say that this move has been the hardest of all of the moves we have made.  I am totally in love with our home and this town and the idea of leaving it all has really been a challenge.  But, I suppose I have finally come to some level of acceptance and am ready to just get it over with

. 

Recently we went to our last Phi Mu Parents weekend at Georgia Southern University!  It was really bitter sweet because our daughter is graduating this week!  I have enjoyed so much sharing her sorority time and seeing her enjoy so many of the same things I enjoyed during my college sorority time.  I am so proud of her.  She has already accepted a job in the Atlanta area which is perfect for her and she is ready to move into a cute little apartment at the end of the month.

Me and my sweet girl

 Also, in other big news... DD got engaged on April 28^th to her boyfriend of a year and a half!  They haven’t set a date yet as he is going to be starting Pharmacy School this summer and then they will figure out the timing of the wedding.  I am so happy and will blog about their engagement soon!

DD & DS2

Phi Mu at GSU

          

So, this mouth is full of bitter sweet things as we have graduations, new jobs, end of school activities and lots of good byes that are going to be so hard to do...not to mention a house on the market (another post as well!) I hope to be blogging semi-regularly in the coming weeks as I have so much to catch up on and lots to share from our little corner of the world.

Boys...

Rearing boys is hard.  I mean they are these wonderful little creatures that are so filled with emotions (both good and bad) that sometimes they just seem to just burst with something so powerful that it can be overwhelming for them and those of us who love them.  When a little (or big) boy loves he can love with such intensity that it can hurt just watching him express it and when a little boy is angry that intensity can be the same.  

I have reared a girl, so I know girls can be hard as well…but these boys keep me bewildered most of the time.  I am parenting by myself a lot as my husband travels, so I am really having to stretch and try to see what I need to teach and where I need to push without crushing their spirits.  I know God created these young men in a very unique way to fulfill His plans…I just have to try to make sure that I build up the foundation that will help them in what God has planned for them…and that can be hard.  My idea of how things should be is distinctly feminine so I have to try to see it from the male side of the room. 
 

Boys can be rough, they can be rowdy and bawdy but they can also be soft, sweet, and so protective.  They live in a world that bombards them with conflicting messages about what manhood should be.  All at once they get messages that they should be tough and fearless and then the next thing they are inundated with the message that they must be sensitive and intuitive.  It is hard to be a boy today.  Even as a parent I find myself often sending mixed messages about being brave and bold but not too brave and not too bold.  So many settings that are designed for children aren’t designed for the energy, creativity and unique perspective of boys.  

Nothing must be more torturous that to take a 6 year old boy and tell him to sit quietly for hours on end.  But, I have done it.  I have expected my boys to tolerate situations with quiet manners that I am not sure my husband could even tolerate.  I have pushed them when I should have just let them find their own way.  I am sure I have embarrassed them more than once and I am sure I will again with my “Momminess.” 

But they say, nothing worth doing is easy…and rearing boys is not easy but so very worth it

Happy 16, Baby Boy!

How did it happen?   

When did I close my eyes and a handsome young man took the place of my baby boy?

I can't believe that 16 years have flown by in the blink of an eye.  I feel I have missed so much and you are now wanting to fly...all I want to do is slow time down so I can keep you close.  I want to protect you from heart break and keep you safe.  I want life to bring you only blessings and joy.  I pray for you daily, that you will walk with God  and seek His will above all others.

When I look up to the baby boy that now towers over me in the body of a young man, I am stunned that we are 16 years down the path.  I was surprised when he came into this world ahead of schedule and he has continued to surprise me in so many ways, with the the depth of his intelligence, talents, kindness.  He surprises me daily with a sense of humor I could have never even fathomed out of anyone.  A recent surprise is how protective he has become of me and his siblings as he grows from boy to man.  He is a wonderful, caring and responsible young man and I am so blessed to share in his life.

 Happy 16th Birthday, my sweet baby boy.

But he said, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and keep it!”
Luke 11:28

30 Days of Thanksgiving: Day 15

Day 15, 2012:  Today (and always) I am thankful for my oldest son.  Almost 16 years ago he came into my life and just turned it upside down and for that I am grateful.  He has stretched me as a person and shown me so much about myself through my reactions with him. Being a "mom of boys" has really challenged me and taught me sides to life I had no idea existed!   

DS1 is compassionate, smart, strong,  handsome, funny and loves God.  I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to be a part of his life and that I get to watch as God's story for him unfolds....he has big things ahead. 

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

James 1:17 (ESV)

Please join me in celebrating 30 Days of Thanksgiving by leaving a comment and sharing what you are thankful for today!



30 Days of Thanksgiving: Days 3-6

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30 Days of Thanksgiving

When I started this series of posts I don't think I gave much thought to my ability to post on the weekends!  This weekend didn't find me having a moment to sit down at the computer but it did find me with plenty to be thankful for! 

Day 3-6, 2012: I am thankful for my boy's school.  We are blessed with a school that truly partners with us as parents to help rear young men that have a solid foundation not just academically but also spiritually, socially and physically.  My boys have teacher's and coaches who go above and beyond the call of duty to reach out and show true servant leadership. 

I am also thankful that our Varsity Football team has a slot in region playoffs!  My oldest DS plays on the Varsity team and he is so excited to be part of such a great team!  The 1st playoff game is Friday night so wish us luck.

I am thankful for dear friends and neighbors.  We had a great time with friends for dinner on Saturday and laughed and talked until late into the night.  On Sunday night we had a great party with our neighbors as we wished a very sweet neighbor (actually we call her the "mayor" of our neighborhood) well as she leaves our little 'hood for another across town.  We have a neighborhood that is hard to beat...more like family than just folks who live in the houses down the street!

Today I am also grateful that this weekend that I had my entire family under one roof!  DD came home unexpectedly from college which was GREAT.  When we are all here, everything feels right with the world. 

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!

Psalm 107:1 (ESV)

Please join me celebrating 30 Days of Thanksgiving

by leaving me a comment telling me

what you are thankful for today!

I am back....

So, I can't believe it has been almost 2 months since I last posted!  Is anyone still here??? Anyone?

I thought I was just taking a quick break from blogging to get my boys in school but it turned out to be a bit longer!  Actually, I have radically trimmed my online social media time as I was convicted that the time I spent online was robbing me and my family from wonderful IRL experiences.  I have trimmed my Facebook time, my blog time, my email time and even the dreaded, but much addictive, Twitter time!  Yes, I have even managed to limit my Pinterest time!!!  It has been a good thing and I feel so much more productive.  At one point in time, when I was writing for publications, I could justify the online time (you know research, inspiration...blah, blah, blah) but since at this time I am not trying to write...yes, dear reader (are there any of you left?), you will have to wait a bit longer on that Great Southern Novel (do you hear the snickering?).... I feel that my time is better served in more moderate doses online.

What have I been doing as late???  Do you mean in between the never ending loads of laundry, living in the car as kids get ferried here and there and the continual DIY projects???  Well...

In late August there were some pretty big changes that came to the Southern Somedays household, starting with my youngest son starting 5th grade, my older son starting 10th grade and my daughter entering her senior year of college.  If those stats aren't enough to freak a Mom out, I don't know what is....I just can't be this old...I am not old enough to have kids this old.  Where did my babies go?  And why is this almost 6 foot young man claiming to be MY son???  Oh...swan!  With school comes football for both boys (although my older son being a Varsity player was at football all summer as well), my younger son is also immersed in a local theatre workshop, not to mention all the church activities that come along with the school year! 

We also saw some big changes on the work front with DH.  He has taken a job that now keeps him on the road during the week and that has been a major change for us.  I have to say I was pretty spoiled with having him home pretty much every night, but the new job has been tons of fun for DH.  It is in a much different industry than he has been in previously and I think he has really enjoyed the challenges so far.  When my kiddos were little DH traveled almost 100% of the time and it was hard....did I mention it was HARD?  But, so far, this has been much different and I am sure it is because I don't have any little ones to manage all by myself.

Hopefully, I can figure out just the right balance between online and IRL and get back to blogging!  I think I have missed it!

 

Funny Memories..."the other one"

Last night I started thinking about something that happened in our family about 6 years ago and then I remembered that I had blogged about it (and I am so glad it did!) It was one of those parenting moments when you know that God has a huge sense of humor and continually reminds us (HIS children) of how little control we truly have...even when, as parents, we think we have it going on!  So, in honor of a humbling parental moment (and how much it still makes me laugh) I thought I would repost this:

Reposted from "Meet The Other One" June 6, 2006

No, I am not being cruel to my youngest child...he is, the “other one”.

This whole other one business started on New Years Day. My dear husband and I decided we were not happy with the amount of sibling discord we were having in our home and decided to address it formally. We took our cues from some of the most well respected family therapist and experts and decided to have a “family meeting”. The children were called into the dining room and took their seats. My youngest child sat between his older siblings. The older two had a look of knowing dread. I think they assumed we were going to announce something hideous like I was having another baby!

Dear husband and I were trying to impart the “think of others first” type of mentality to these three little ones. I gave several examples of what that might look like: “let the other one wash their hands first”, “let the other one sit in the prized seat on the sofa”, “let the other one get the ball first”, etc. I really felt I was doing an extraordinary job imparting such wisdom and the world would be a better place because of it.

Then it happened...my dear, sweet, adorable youngest child interrupts. He literally raises both hands, palms down, out towards his brother and sister and very solemnly looks them straight in the eyes and says, “Now you know, I AM the other one.”

In case there was any doubt!
Meet the “other one”.

A Wow Mommy Moment

Source: browse.deviantart.com via Bob on Pinterest

You know those Mom Days when you really think boarding school sounds really good?  I had one of those yesterday with my oldest DS.  He got in trouble because he let his grades slip…which on my radar is a pretty high offense.  This is a song and dance I have done regularly with this child as he isn’t crazy about the whole book learning part of school (the social scene is a totally different thing, trust me he is really good at that…)  So yesterday I pulled out the big guns and laid down some pretty hefty consequences that I intend to stand behind.  He got mad…heck, if I were 15.... I would have gotten mad too. 

But this afternoon, after he did his homework, he came into my office and said the words that almost took my breath away.  He said, “Thanks for caring.”  Of course, I was stunned and ask about what and then he said, “About my school and all.”

Wow, just wow……

I must have spoken too soon!

Source: google.com via Katy on Pinterest

Yes, almost as soon as I posted yesterday about how well DS2 was doing I got a call from the school.  He was dizzy, with blurred vision, severe headache and shaking.  Of course, I was at the school in about 5 minutes flat. Fortunately, this was nothing like the previous episode as he was aware and responding all throughout and had no breathing issues.  I called our Dr. and was told to take him to the Emergency Room.  So, off we went for an unexpected Friday Afternoon Adventure (not one I would really recommend.)

By the time our Dr. was able to get to the ER to meet us, DS2 was feeling better and all tests looked fine. There is no definative way to know what was going one with DS2 during the actual episode, and it is possible it was a partial seizure but the Dr. is not sure. They are hesitant to give him anything medicine wise right now for fear it might mask what ever perplexing problem we are dealing with.  So, the positive to come out of it...apparently we will be getting a much quicker appointment with the specialist now.  The saga continues....

Monday Musings

Source: paloma81.blogspot.com via Bella on Pinterest

Just a quick update from our house; my youngest son is doing well. He is back in school and seemingly back in the groove and full of energy.   We are waiting on the appointment with the Pediatric Neurologist.  My daughter is home for a couple of days and last night all 3 of my children were in rare form and this house was filled with laughter and joy.  For that I am more thankful than I can express. 

Somehow though, we seem to be in the cross hairs of something because a couple of (non related to my youngest son) issues have arisen that have me shaking my head and wondering, "what else?" Yes...mostly I seem to be asking God, "What else?"  I feel like a little kid most of the time when I come to God in prayer these days.  I probably sound like a spoiled child to Him for the most part, I am sure.  "What else, God?"  But, I will still go before Him, knowing He is there and loving me.  I am thankful that even in my most drained, tired, angry, fearful moments He is there.

This morning, after I dropped my boys off at school, I heard this quote on the radio and it felt like balm for my emotions:

"The enemy wouldn't be attacking you if something valuable wasn't inside of you!

Thieves don't break into empty houses!

You've got purpose!"

~author unknown

Happy Birthday!

Yesterday was a big day around here! It started off bright and early at the DMV.  You see my oldest son (DS1) had one of those milestone birthdays that opens up a whole new world for him... and us (yep...us.)  He is now the proud owner of a Beginner Drivers Permit.  Boy...it just seems like yesterday he was cruising around the yard in his Power Wheels jeep.  If we could only figure out a way to keep him in the yard now....

This birthday feels pretty special to me in a unique way, because this brave young man saved his little brother's life last week.  I am not sure that is something a lot of 15 year olds have experienced, but he has.  Last night when we went out for a special Birthday dinner celebration I couldn't help but be extra thankful for the wonderful faces around that table. 

Happy Birthday to my sweet boy! I am so honored and proud to be his Mom.  

2011, Ending in Prayer (Part 3)

For background please read here for Part 1 and Part 2 of this journey.

At the hospital, my little guy was responding well and the pediatrician diagnosed him with having experience fainting and an extended seizure.  It is called extended because it lasted for more than 5 minutes, which is not normal.  He was talking, walking and physically seemed to have no lasting issues.  An EKG was performed and the pediatrician mentioned some irregularities but it needed to be looked at by a cardiologist.  My little man was tired and drifted in and out of sleep, which is apparently normal after a seizure experience.  We were told this could happen again or it might not…there isn’t a sure way to know.  They released us with some emergency meds to administer in case of another extended seizure and told us to follow up with his Doctor at home (an appointment I made from the emergency room!) 

We left GA early on Wednesday (the 28^th) for home and on our way home we got a call from the hospital telling us that the cardiologist had looked at his EKG and needed us to follow up with our DR. ASAP.  The hospital called and faxed our Dr. the information and EKG results so they would be waiting for us at our appointment the next day.  When we reported to our Dr. the next morning he had already gone over our results sent from the hospital and felt we needed to see a Pediatric Cardiologist.  He also performed an EKG in his office just for comparison.  We are now awaiting a visit with the Pediatric Cardiologist (their offices have been closed for the holidays until in the morning.)  My sweet, but very active little boy is on a strict No physical/sports activity order until we know more.

He is doing well and just seems a bit tired at times.   Today was the first day back to school and until we have further information we are only going for ½ days.  By picking him up at lunch he will avoid the excitement and temptation of P.E. & recess.  His teachers are also very supportive and are keeping an eye on him to make sure he seems OK and isn’t over exerting himself.  Leaving him at school this morning was one of the hardest things I have had to do.  It left me in a panic on so many levels.  This is worse than when I had newborns, I think.  It is very scary.  But…I know the one who is in control and I trust Him.

It isn’t only us who is carrying this burden, but my oldest son (who turns 15 this week) is struggling to deal with it as well.  He was there even before we were, and felt the fear and feelings of inadequacy in a way that most adults never experience… much less a child.  Our daughter left to go back to college yesterday and I know she has carried a huge weight back with her as well.  We are all feeling the need to nest and draw close to each other and just be together.

I would like to say that I have been all sugar and roses during this ordeal, but I have not.  Both my husband and I are tired, stressed and yes…fearful.  I don’t know how we can’t be. The future is uncertain (feeling more so than usual.)  We don’t know what the next round of doctor’s visits will bring.  For me, I am spending a lot of time in prayer…for it is where I find my energy, my encouragement, the only place I can find peace.

This is a link to a song that is touching me like never before as I walk through each day: “My Savior My God” by Arron Shust.  I hope you will click over and listen to it and be blessed (for some reason I am not being able to embed it!)  Just the opening lyrics seem written just for a time as this:

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at his right hand
Stands one who is my savior

Thank you all for your prayers, comments and concerns. 

I continue to covet them as we move forward in trying to discover what is going on with our little man.