Mama Drama: where did the time go?

I just got back from finalizing all the details for my baby boy's 10th grade year of school and we will be at Open House tonight, ahead of the first day of school tomorrow.  From the time I woke up today I was filled with melancholy and nostalgia for those days when I had three to get ready for school and the little things we used to do to celebrate the arrival of a new school year. 

This year is so different.  My daughter is now a year+ into her marriage and living several hours away, my oldest son has started a new college several hours away and living on his own, and my youngest son is going to get in his own car tomorrow and drive to school by himself.

 Gone are the days of everyone having breakfast together, prayers on the way to school, first-day-of-school after school celebrations, and the sound of their voices sharing all the details of that first day. No more days of excitement over new school supplies, backpacks and lunchboxes. Life has been transitioning to this for years, but I think the realization that I only have my youngest for 36 more months really is hitting me hard now that my two oldest are out and on their own.  I am missing the days that felt simpler and full of  fun.  I miss field trips and class parties and even them getting excited about picture day.  Now, I am lucky if I know when picture day is!  I miss the anticipation of report cards and the arrival of yearbooks. I miss picking them up from cheerleading, football, baseball or basketball practice and all the games that went with it.  I even miss those forced back pack clean outs that often found moldy snacks long forgotten.

I am not sure why the nostalgia has hit so hard today.  Across the state my older son is having his first day of school and my younger one will have his tomorrow.  Maybe it is because my daughter was home this past weekend and it was good to see and hear lots of voices in the house and my Mother was here to visit last week?  I loved life when I had a full house and being Mommy.  It is the greatest gift I have ever received.  Seasons change and growth happens and, even though I miss my babies, I am proud of who they are and are becoming.  I have been blessed.

Happy New School Year!!!

It is August hot....in the South....

Photo: Kinship Christian Radio

Yes, it is hawt....not just hot....but hawt.  For those of you lost in this vernacular let me try to define it. Hawt is a temperature that reaches beyond what those outside of the warmer climates refer to as summer heat. Hawt is a heat that reaches inside your lungs to make the air feel 10 lbs heavier, all the while, squeezing you from the outside like a big, old sticky hug from the uncle you really never want to hug you. 

It is a level of heat and humidity that makes you contemplate whether getting the mail today is really a necessity and you pray a huge thanks over the geniuses that made central A/C a reality. My dogs even are opposed to these levels of heat as they have to practically be pushed out the door to do their business and return to the house acting as if they have run home from California.  Oh, and heavens if you decide to take them on a walk!  They look at you like you have lost your ever-loving-mind!  You can hear them thinking, "If you think you are going to hook me up to a leash and drag my furry tail all over the neighborhood...even if the temperature has dropped into the mid 90s, you obviously are new here....I will stay right here on this A/C vent, thank you very much."  And there they lay, until pretty much 10 or 11 PM when apparently they deem it acceptable to enter nature.

Now, I grew up in Georgia, with no Central A/C but I swear the minute I moved out my parents installed the ice-cap of central A/C units.  It was probably some kind of crazy 60's influenced parenting trick to make me tougher....well, all it made me was hawt (and somewhat suspicious of their parenting techniques...my brother STILL lived at home at the time....coincidence?  I think not!)  I suppose the only good thing that came out of it is I did learn to how important setting spray was to keeping my make up in place and how you need just the right kind of hairspray to truly fight humidity.  It is easy to spot those who never learned those particular lessons (i.e. northerners who have just moved down south.) I will admit those are important skills to possess...but I wouldn't have minded a little A/C love growing up either. 

P.S. I am still not ready for Fall.

Are you ready for Fall?

Photo: www.Kirklands.come

Are y'all ready for Fall?  I have to admit I am not quite there yet.  Fall is my favorite but this year I need a little more summer....even if has been 755 degrees with 300% humidity this week. 

It just seems summer has flown by!  All the stores are filled to the brim with adorable Fall décor but I just haven't mustered the interest.  I know, I know...I am resisting the inevitable but come on now.....the beach isn't done with us yet!

Maybe by this time next week I will be out of denial that Fall is upon us and embrace the everything pumpkin movement but for now I am still looking for pink & green summer joy!

Looking for Peace at the Seashore

Yesterday, my mind swirled with all kind of thoughts and emotions...you know the kind that make you question everything.  Even though I don't make the mark often, I am still trying to be the change and not add negativety into our world, but some days seem to push you further than you expect; maybe it is a day when you had plans with someone and they decided to do something else with someone else (and you aren't included) or maybe it is an unexpected bit of news from work or family.  Those days really don't make you want to play nice or cooperate with anything or anyone.  They are draining and disappointing. 

So, to relieve the stress and not just sit at home alone, I got in my car and started driving.  Where?  I didn't know, I just went.  It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon and I let the roads lead me.  It isn't hard to figure out, though, like a magnet it took me through some areas I had never seen before and I ended up at the seashore.  Fortunately, it was a reasonably quiet spot of sand and I was able to just sit and watch the water come in, pray and think.  I have a lot to pray about....my family relations, my future, a job, etc. and I have a lot to be thankful for as well. 

This is a season of change for my family and now our little household is down to only 2 plus the 2 furbabies.  With that comes adjustment...not necessarily bad adjustment, just adjustment.  My greatest love has been to be a Mom and I am sad to see that season ending. Although, I will always be their Mom....it isn't the same.  I have 36 months before my baby flies and when you put it in those terms it almost overwhelms me.  My other children now live hours away and it is going to take some time to wrap my mind around what used to be and what is. I struggle because I don't know how to hold us together in this season.  I thought I had it all clear in my head and now I get to start over.  Oh, joy!

What a week....

This week has not be the easiest of weeks.  My oldest son is moving out to find life on his own and heading to a new college, several hours away, in a week or so. He has been staying with friends this week and the last of his stuff will be gone on Sunday. He is actually moving out and not just to college. It is a change of season. He is going to be fine. I love him and know he wants to take on life on his own terms but as a Mom my emotions have been all over the place due to many issues.  At the very least, I can say  it is has been rocky.

Also, I am not sure if I  mentioned it, but my company phased out all Field Management within the organization at the end of June, so for the last month I have been on the roller coaster ride of unemployment.  It has meant countless hours of looking for a job, sending resumes, contacting everyone I know and fortunately interviews. It has also meant a huge weight of stress and fighting fear about the future.  This is not my favorite part of doing life alone!  I was sad to see my job go (not just for the obvious reasons!) but because I truly loved what I did and loved the people I worked with and for. I miss working with all of the sweet souls I met, but at least now I can count them as friends and not co-workers.  Either way, you can imagine this month/week has been a challenge to my sense of equilibrium and peace. 

Losing my job sent me into a real tailspin emotionally, especially since I was unaware of how invested I was in my job.  So, without it, I lost some traction, direction and a great deal of security.  Trust me when I say I have had to pray over this one.  I am praying God places me where HE wants me and that I don't run ahead of him out of fear (something I am particularly good at!) 

Strangely enough, being unemployed also has taken a toll on my school focus. Being a full time college student and working full time was not easy but somehow it worked; maybe it was the firmer schedule?  Originally I thought, "Wow, I will be able to take some time and really focus on school and just buzz through this class!" Not so, actually it has been harder to get school work done because every time I sit down at the computer I feel the need to look for a job, send a resume,  etc.  So, tonight, on this exciting and beautiful Friday night...I am writing a paper.  Whooohooo....I can feel the jealously through the screen here. 

So, I guess this is my whiny....#betransparent post of the week.  I would appreciate prayers, if you are so inclined, for my family as we transition into our new season and that what ever God is trying to teach me I will learn and it will grow me into a better person.

My love of Magazines and one I have fallen for....

Some of you may know my dirty little secret....I am a little bit of a devoted Southern Belle and a little bit of  magazine addict and if you can mix the two....well, I am just falling off the wagon and getting run over by it!  Just  the last few months I found this amazing gem and with a name like Shrimp, Collards & Grits, how can you not love it?  This is one of the magazines that truly showcases the wonderful stew that has been created by the old and the new South.  There is beauty in this place and a drive of artistry rivaled by no other region and I am so thrilled to find a publication just full of Southerness in all its glory!  Ok, now run on over to the bookstore and get your own copy because I know you want to and, though it is bad manners, I am not sharing mine!

 

Shrimp, Collards & Grits Magazine