What a week....

This week has not be the easiest of weeks.  My oldest son is moving out to find life on his own and heading to a new college, several hours away, in a week or so. He has been staying with friends this week and the last of his stuff will be gone on Sunday. He is actually moving out and not just to college. It is a change of season. He is going to be fine. I love him and know he wants to take on life on his own terms but as a Mom my emotions have been all over the place due to many issues.  At the very least, I can say  it is has been rocky.

Also, I am not sure if I  mentioned it, but my company phased out all Field Management within the organization at the end of June, so for the last month I have been on the roller coaster ride of unemployment.  It has meant countless hours of looking for a job, sending resumes, contacting everyone I know and fortunately interviews. It has also meant a huge weight of stress and fighting fear about the future.  This is not my favorite part of doing life alone!  I was sad to see my job go (not just for the obvious reasons!) but because I truly loved what I did and loved the people I worked with and for. I miss working with all of the sweet souls I met, but at least now I can count them as friends and not co-workers.  Either way, you can imagine this month/week has been a challenge to my sense of equilibrium and peace. 

Losing my job sent me into a real tailspin emotionally, especially since I was unaware of how invested I was in my job.  So, without it, I lost some traction, direction and a great deal of security.  Trust me when I say I have had to pray over this one.  I am praying God places me where HE wants me and that I don't run ahead of him out of fear (something I am particularly good at!) 

Strangely enough, being unemployed also has taken a toll on my school focus. Being a full time college student and working full time was not easy but somehow it worked; maybe it was the firmer schedule?  Originally I thought, "Wow, I will be able to take some time and really focus on school and just buzz through this class!" Not so, actually it has been harder to get school work done because every time I sit down at the computer I feel the need to look for a job, send a resume,  etc.  So, tonight, on this exciting and beautiful Friday night...I am writing a paper.  Whooohooo....I can feel the jealously through the screen here. 

So, I guess this is my whiny....#betransparent post of the week.  I would appreciate prayers, if you are so inclined, for my family as we transition into our new season and that what ever God is trying to teach me I will learn and it will grow me into a better person.

Overwhelmed

You know how sometimes you get an opportunity and you are just excited because it is something you love to do?  That is usually the way I feel when a book comes my way to review.  I was especially excited when asked a few weeks ago to review Perry Noble’s new book, Overwhelmed…anyone else seeing any irony in this? Little did I know, my world would fall apart almost as soon as I receive the review copy. Anyway, I have been reading and plugging along through this book and wondering about God’s real sense of humor when it comes to me (yeah, I do think I am THAT important and my life is part of His personal comedy hour.)

The thing is, I normally would have read this book in probably one or two sittings, but because of what I was going through and being….wait for it…overwhelmed, I had to read, digest, pray, repeat...read, digest, pray, repeat (you get the idea.)  I had to repeat not because it is a hard read but because I was just struggling with the fact that this book was written for me…for just a time as this.  The full title is Overwhelmed, Winning the War Against Worry and if you have been reading my blog as of late you are probably rolling in the floor laughing, laughing, laughing. 

This is a book written by a Pastor, no less, who actually admits to being anxious, worried, stressed, in despair and here is the big one…depressed.  Can you imagine???  Isn’t it a complete prerequisite to being a Christian that we avoid these non-Christian emotions at all cost???  I know I wish that were the case, because I would be on that boat in a New York minute.  There are so many passages in this book I wish I could share and so many that hit me smack in between my eyes (and not in a pleasant way to be sure.)  I was in the process of reading this book as my husband ended our marriage and overwhelmed is probably an understatement but so many things made sense to me because of Overwhelmed and Perry Noble’s personal perspective. 

Some major clarity came to me in this passage, “I once heard someone say that when we rationalize, we tell “rational lies.” Your line of thinking may go something like this:  …The world is always going to pressure us to bow to something other than God because we feel that when we do we are in control. But in fact, nothing could be further from the truth.” (Overwhelmed, Perry Noble 2014.)  I realized that someone I loved dearly was rationalizing their (and my) entire life and managing to tell “rational lies” to themselves and others.  It was a hard, hard reality check…but it was true.  It made me hurt and it made me hurt for them, knowing that they were lying to themselves more than anyone else and no matter how much they “rationalized” it still wasn’t God’s truth and I could be confident in that fact. 

Noble reminds me repeatedly to question “Will we focus on the size of our problem or the size of our God? The reality is, we can’t do both….And we really do have an enemy who is trying to keep us imprisoned. Jesus said Satan is the father of lies (see John 8:44) and that the enemy’s goal is to steal, kill, and destroy us (see John 10:10). He will attack our minds, trying to get us to focus on all the things we have no control over.” (Overwhelmed, Perry Noble 2014.) 

I need to hear over and over, “One of the most powerful lies the enemy will whisper to you in your darkest times is that you are all alone – that no one wants to hear what you are going through and you should just give up.  But life isn’t meant to be lived alone! Even Jesus didn’t do life alone.  If you are struggling with anxiety, fear, worry, and doubt you need to understand a few things:  You are not the only one who has had to battle this tough situation...Even though the storm you are experiencing is intense, He is greater than your storm.” (Overwhelmed, Perry Noble 2014.) 

Very rarely to I feel like a book is written for everyone but this one is a rare gem.  It will be released on April 1, 2014. I can guarantee you won’t come away from the pages of this book unchanged.

Overwhelmed...progress stalled!

Ugh!  We made some great progress this week with getting our life settled into this house but I am finding myself overwhelmed with one room in particular.  THE OFFICE!  We had 1 office area in the last house (same here) but I had a bonus room that was essentially "office overflow" and I don't have that here.

 

The most difficult part is that in the last house the bonus room was never seen, so it could be messy storage and things could reside in plastic bins and crates of various makes and color...not here. In the new house the office is on the left, off the foyer and directly across from the formal dining room and also opens into the kitchen. Oh, also in the last house I had an office closet with floor to ceiling shelves for office supplies, my file cabinet, etc. Not anymore, and I have stalled on the office. I have to get it unpacked, but I am not real sure where/what/how to put everything. I have thousands of photographs that haven't been organized, along with lots of years of treasures that my kiddos have made, etc. that I am really struggling with.  Also, where to put the real office supplies, work files, records, etc.

 

I am really thinking some built-ins may be in order...otherwise, how do I had my chaos?