Sparkle has not left the house!

 

Yes, I disappeared!  It has been a crazy couple of months filled with football, fun with friends & work. We have had so much dreary weather I have been in kind of a funk so I have focused a lot of work.Work is good in that way.  I can dive in and hide behind it while my mind doesn't have time to dwell. . 

  

Oh, and if you are wondering...it is STILL raining in South Carolina....STILL.  That has not helped my funk one single bit.  There are areas where people have still not be able to return to their homes from the flooding weeks ago.  I think it is the general consensus in SC that WE ARE SICK OF RAIN!

 

But, I am not loosing my sparkle again....just spending some time polishing it up.

Hurricane Season...

Photo credit: (Photo: Paul Zoeller, AP)
 

I don't know if you have heard or not but we, here in the South, have gotten a drop or two of rain as of late.

One thing you learn when you live this close to the coast is to watch the storms as they form in the Atlantic.  I grew up very far inland and really never paid much attention to Hurricanes but I have learned and seen first hand the destruction one of these monsters can bring, even if you don't take a direct hit. 

We were fortunate this time, we only got the rain.  So far, though, no wind or tornadoes which makes me feel more at ease.  Many roads are washed out, and Charleston is closed...yes, closed.  The peninsula is inaccessible at this point...no going in or out.  Tomorrow is supposed to bring more rains like the several inches we got yesterday and last night. I suppose today was our reprieve.  Ahh....Hurricane Season, we respect you!


War Room

Tonight I went to see this movie.  It made me sad in so many ways but also called out to my heart that the prayer I have been running from needs to be back in my life.  Not only have I not been talking to God, I haven't been listening for Him either.  So even though the plot made me sad the belief that prayer is a weapon in this world was not missed by this lady sitting alone in that theater.  If you haven't seen it, go.  It isn't a bang you over the head kind of Christian movie, but rather one that will make you laugh and gently reminded you that His Word is true no matter the circumstances.  Yes, I came home tonight determined to learn to pray again because unlike riding a bike, for me, it has been a skill I have forgotten how to do. 

Beauty, Beauty Everywhere...

I love to take pictures.  I take them almost everywhere, of things most people would think peculiar.  The cut of the sun, the color of a flower, the joy in a blue sky; I take them all the time. I am definitely not a photographer and I stopped taking pictures for a long time; but finally the muse has returned and I have started stealing those images that catch my eye and the beauty they behold again, and I think that is part of the sparkle coming back! 

Conquering Fears!

Yes, that is me.....w....a....y out there on that dead tree limb over water filled with rocks, large rocks as a matter of fact.  I even climbed out there and back all by myself.  That probably doesn't sound like much to lots of you athletic types but for me...the girlie, girl type, it was a huge step.  I have a bit of a fear of heights and also every time a wave crashed into the tree it almost knocked me off. Even my boys were nervous and were not very comfortable with me venturing out of my box so far. I kind of felt it was representative of my new, stronger, learning to be braver self.  I was scared to death, literally,  BUT, I DID IT!   

 

Another thing I managed to do is bring 4 (count 'em....4) teenagers on vacation all by myself. Now if that isn't BRAVE, I don't know what is.  So far everyone is well and accounted for, though there have been a few Band-Aids needed and Neosporin has been in high demand. We have had so much fun this week on an island that was practically deserted and we had lots of free beach space.  Not once have we had to have video games, but they built a pretty impressive sand fort today, complete with fire.  Today for transportation, rather than me driving them, they rode bikes and loved it. Lots of great photos have been taken. It has been a great week...no video games, very little TV and no....no.....drama.  I really don't want to go home, except I am starting to miss Miss Macy and even S.C. and her wild puppy self just a little.

 

I love having the group around and find solace in their laughs and silliness.  They are all on the brink of adulthood and I am glad I could provide one last trip before school, jobs and football start taking their time. It has been good to be on Island Time.  I am blessed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

              

Our family grew by 4 giant feet!

Those feet might not look so big there, because that was the day we brought Miss SC home but you would not believe how much she has grown since.  At 13 weeks she has tripled her weight and size and she has a long way to go.  She is a German Shepard from a European blood line so we expect a large girl (what my son wanted) and we are all going through the growing pains of having a "baby in the house."  Miss SC likes to dig in her water bowl and likes to try to carry it around while it is full of water.  If there is mud outside to be found she zeros in on it.  She can't leave our cocker spaniel alone and she is extremely vocal...extremely.  She seems to have something to say about everything. Oh, and lets not forget those razor sharp baby teeth....they can't be gone soon enough.

 

Miss SC is my son's dog....ALL HIS.   He has had some learning to do because puppies are a lot of work and he has lost a bit of sleep here and there being a puppy daddy. I can't wait until she is old enough to go to puppy school!  Over all though, it is fun having her around and watching her run around like a drunken sailor.  It is as if all her parts are connected and haven't decided to cooperate with each other yet.  So, we have big, floppy, clumsy, loud fun running at top speeds most of the time sweet mess.  The only one really complaining is poor Miss Macy who was totally not prepared for the tornado that moved in.



Mama saying goodbye to her baby girl.  

He will find me...

I saw the below piece on Facebook (where all good things come, right?) but it did get me to thinking about relationships and where I am right now.  I am not looking for someone.  Often people tell me, "Oh, you won't be single long." But, I am not sure.  Maybe I will be, maybe I won't.

Yes, I do get lonely but I  wonder how lonely my Grandmother must have been after her husband died at only 50 (she never dated or remarried.) Did she cry at night silently into her pillow when the loneliness got so heavy? Did she ever tear up just sitting and watching TV alone at night? I lived next door to her my whole life and I never wondered...how insensitive.  I wonder how lonely my Aunt Peggy must be at times when she misses my Uncle Kenneth, who died a few years ago after spending her entire life with him (they were Middle School sweet hearts.) The loneliness is the hardest because you do have to hide it from so many people and it strikes when you least expect it.

But, as I was walking the dog last night...alone; I started thinking about the piece from Facebook.  I knew then that if there was a "he" for me out there somewhere he will find me.  God will lead him to me.  He will find me.  It is actually a very scary proposition to sit back and let go and say he will find me.  See, I work a female dominated industry. Most men I come in to contact with are with their wives or there for something for their wives or girlfriends.  It is hard to resist the urge to go out looking for him but from what I have seen that doesn't pan out. It goes against human nature to not try to control the outcome but I am trying.

Below is that piece from Facebook and if anyone knows the author please share:

Subject: SELF WORTH (Very Deep!!!) In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question: 'What kind of man are you looking for?' She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking, 'Do you really want to know?' Reluctantly, he said, 'Yes.
 
She began to expound, 'As a woman in this day & age, I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can't do for myself? I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man... or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, 'What can you bring to the table?' The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.
 
She quickly corrected his thought & stated, 'I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life. He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain. She said, 'I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation & mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man. I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don't need a financial burden. I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man. I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God. I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.
 
And by the way, I am not looking for him...He will find me. He will recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a help-mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself. When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, 'You are asking a lot. She replied, "I'm worth a lot".

Healing after Infidelity...

This is a battle my heart still goes through.  Not because I have love left for my ex-spouse but because I have so much love for my family and the true meaning of marriage.  I love the joy and comfort of someone who holds your heart and soul as if it were a precious, irreplaceable gem.  I love the bond that marriage represents and the security it gives children.  Marriage can represents the closest thing to the love of God we will feel this side of Heaven I am sure. Although I am often faced with the question of "why did you stay?" in an almost accusatory tone, as if I caused all the infidelities; the only answer I have is I loved my husband and I was given a glance of him, by the grace of God, to see him the way God saw him.  Even after so many betrayals I still loved and it was hard fought to give up that love.  I have come along way and can honestly say the love has gone but I still hurt and I still grieve.  Through all this, though,  I came across another blog post by a young woman who has bared her soul and the challenges of infidelity and divorce through her blog with a grace that I can only hope to have one day.  I have learned so much from her.  Please visit her post "How to Heal After Infidelity" and let her know where you found her:  How to Heal After Infidelity.  Make sure also, to share it with anyone who might be helped by her worlds. 

Happy Father's Day 2015

“Children are gifts. They are not ours for the breaking. They are ours for the making.”
― Dan Pearce

Congratulations Class of 2015!

I guess the time always sneaks up on you and it did when  my oldest son graduated from High School a couple of weeks ago.  Some how I have been bombarded with memories of him as a chubby baby and growing into the young man I am getting to know each day.  He has come through some rough patches and I am proud of where he seems to be heading now.  It is always bittersweet at one of these milestones because you are so happy for them and their accomplishments but you miss that baby that used to sleep in your arms. 

He and I have had a hard time working out what our new life looks like together but I think we have finally gotten a groove that works for both of us.  He has helped me and taken care of me in ways I know he never wanted to have to do, but he stepped up and did it.  He has a big heart, but tries to hide it but I still get glimpses from time to time.  He is going to be a good man, a real man.

 I was so proud to be with him at his special day and celebrate his accomplishments.

 I love him more than he will ever know and am so very proud of him.

I think one thing I will miss most is the trail of boys that seem to wander through my kitchen on their way upstairs to watch TV or play video games.  Having them in the house this past year has kept it from feeling so lonely and I know that God has something special in store for each of these friends and I hope life allows them to keep their bonds.

 

 I can assure you these boys kept things lively and I never knew what silly, craziness they would come up with but I wouldn't trade it for the world!

 





Ready to Travel



Brunette or blonde, we had it covered!

I promise my life has not been all gloom and doom as the last post probably made it seem.  This spring has had a lot of new and fun adventures and I have gained more new friends in the last few months than probably the last 3 decades combined.  The kind of friends that have your back or a trash can waiting when you need to throw up…you know the kind. 

One new thing is that I have fallen in love with traveling.  I don’t know why I didn’t ever get to do it before when I was married (well I do know, because I was home rearing children!)  but I am determined to see the world even if it is on my thin dime.  In April I took a cruise with a group of girlfriends, technically (in pure 13 year old boy fashion) we named our trip the IHT 1^st Annual Tour (on Instagram you can #IHTTOUR for a glimpse of our time)…which by the way was fabulous!!!  And no, I won’t be telling you what #IHT means. We traveled to Nassau and while laying on that white sand beach I just decided to relocate there and any family that cared to join me would be welcomed…eh, that did not work but it was a life changing idea.

Do you know that was the 1^st time in my life I have done anything just for me?  Weird, huh?  I mean it was totally about and for me and it was wonderful.  I was able to clear my head, make some decisions and have lots of other fun that shall not be named, but there is video and probably some photos and lots of dancing so we shall hope they never see the light of day.  We #IHT girls are already planning a fall trip to the mountains, although with the hilly terrain and the copious amount of adult beverages ingested it might be dangerous.

When this trip first came up I was really hesitant but my best wing-girl kept pushing and I am so glad she did because I got to show off my new red bathing suit and that in itself was worth the whole trip.  And, I for sure have a new favorite color….the blue of the Caribbean waters.  It is really quite funny because that has been the color I have been introducing in my house little by little long before the trip. It is mesmerizing.  If you have ever the chance to sit on a balcony in the middle of the ocean and watch the full moon do not pass up the opportunity in any way, shape, or form.  It is a life changer.

I am so in love with the color of the water, I want everything that color!

 

 

I was Divorced on Friday.

Friday was the day.  The day when my husband took me into a court room and divorced me.  I have spent the last year praying it would never happen. I can not even begin to tell you how many people have actively gotten on their knees an prayed over us and him.  I have prayed he would choose to love me again and come home to our family...but he didn't.  He has moved on an did it a long time ago.  Our 26 years of marriage and 30 years together were nothing.  During the proceedings he never looked at me, afterwards when I sat alone in my car crying he chose to walk by and not acknowledge me or see if I was OK.  That is when I realize what I really must mean to him. 

 

But, that isn't the way I felt for him all those years.  I loved him more than life itself and gave him everything I had to give. I was far from perfect but I gave him all my heart, devotion an adoration and believed his words and actions.  I believed in a God that had created us for each other an ordained our family as His. Now...I don't know. I truly believed we were created for each other because God knew the issues we would face and he made us so that we would weather the storms until my husband gave up. I don't even know what I believe anymore.

 

The saddest thing. though, is how his choices have destroyed what was once a happy, whole family that loved each other.  Now the bonds are broken...between Mother & Daughter, Sister & Brother, Brothers, Father & Son.  We are just the rubble of what once was. Rubble he never has to see. We paid for his choices in our pain. But he is happy and whole.

 

I realize many people will feel I shouldn't have written this post but it has been a long time since I have felt brave enough to write about us, our family, our marriage.  I am feeling braver now and maybe that is a good sign.  Maybe it is a sign of healing within myself, maybe it is growth, maybe I have had my eyes opened to reality, maybe it is just done. I haven't cried all weekend because the man that sat in that courtroom I did not know, and did not want to know....so maybe love does go away.

 

If you have a wife or a husband and/or children, hug them a little tighter, a little longer with a little more intention because it can all be gone in a blink of an eye. Choose to love, even if it is just choosing to love living today just a little more! :-)

 

Thank you will never be enough, Memorial Day 2015

I have never known the anguish of having a loved one far away fighting for my freedom.  I have never known the fear and silence between letters and calls.  I have never known the prayers that a Mother, a Father, Wife, Sister, Brothers must pray when their loved one has been called into duty.  But, I do know the thankfulness I feel when I think of the brave men and women who have given their very last breath to save what we take for granted...freedom.  I know the thankfulness I feel when my children can play freely in a park without fear and they can be taught differing world views without retribution.  That is because of the ones who gave it all.  Thank you will never be enough.

Happy Mother's Day!

Well, here I am again and it has been months since I have made time to blog.  But, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to talk about what Motherhood has meant to me.  From my first Mother's Day back in 1992 to today my children have taught me so much about life and who I am.  They are my world.

The last couple of years have been very hard and the children and I have taken more than one curve ball but I still love being their Mother.  I have been so blessed by each and everyone of them as they have often had the tables turned on them and they had to take care of me.  I will forever be grateful for the strong, kind, intelligent and loving babies I have. 

My mind and heart are filled will memories that I pray I never forget, from first words to first steps to rocking sick babies and seeing them succeed in all they tried and then to watching them launch their adult lives.  Sometimes I wonder how I could be so lucky as to have children, and not just any children, but THESE children?

I hope that each of you whether a Mom or a Daughter or even a Father or Son take time today to really think about what your Mom or the Mother of your children really provided for you and know that she is your biggest fan and your greatest supporter.  God created Moms a special way and for a special purpose and those of us blessed enough to call ourselves Mother should cherish and pray thanksgiving everyday for that privilege.

Can we be in March Already?

What a busy month it has been!  I was so determined to get back to regular blogging and then this little thing called life got in the way.  Either way I was probably way too grumpy to blog so maybe it was a good thing.  Grumpy, you say?  Yes...the weather has made me very grumpy.  We have had what feels like constant rain.  Now I know that isn't near as bad as the snow and ice much of the country has gotten but the dreary, cloudy days just make me feel blah....The high point to where I live, though,  is that generally we get a taste of Spring before other parts of the country.

 

Just in case you are unfamiliar with anything but the traditional big, white magnolia blooms that the South is famous for these last two photos are also magnolias.  The white one is a Star Magnolia and the lovely pink one is a Saucer Magnolia (sometimes called a tulip tree.)  So, the blooms have definitely helped my mood and I have tried to keep some blooms in the house as well.

So, are you seeing Spring where you live?  What do you like to do to bring a Spring feeling to your house?



 

Happy Birthday!

Today is my Grandmother, "Ma Jones", birthday.  She would have been 101 and if she were still alive.  I miss her every single day.  Some days it seems like if I could just sit on her couch while she watched TV or on her screen porch with her it would make it all better.  The older I get the more I miss her.  Isn't that strange? Just this week I watched a video of her in her garden taken in 1991 and I sat and closed my eyes because more than seeing her I just wanted to hear her.

I think she would love the way my children are growing and would be crazy about them. She would be proud of how strong and smart and beautiful and independent my daughter is, and I know she would be smitten like all the girls with my oldest son, and somehow I think she would have a special place just for my little man.  I know her heart would have broken though,over the last year, watching my family dissolve.  She loved my husband dearly and losing him would have been like losing one of her own children, much the way my parents have felt.  It is a loss I am glad she didn't have to endure.  She saw pain in her own life, losing a Mother when she was a small child, a daughter and becoming a Widow at a much too young age.  She hurt when we all hurt and truly was the epitome of "you are only as happy as your least happy child."  She was, on the surface, a pessimist of the greatest kind but seeing her stick her hands in the soil again each Spring tells me somewhere inside there was an eternal optimist.

I love you dearly, Ma.

Happy Birthday!

Today is the day....the day that my first born baby boy turns 18.  I just can't believe it.  Though, to look at him he looks like a man, he has taken on the responsibilities of a man in many areas of life but I can still see that sweet, innocent baby boy in his eyes if I look quick enough.  I am proud of this young man and I know that God has big things planned for him.  He is becoming a real man, a rock that can also be a soft place to land.  I am blessed to have him in my life and my family.  I never knew 18 years ago what he would come to mean to our family years later...but God knew.  I love this sweet man.