Tuesday, December 27, 2016

How 5 years can change the world...

Today is a day when I need to write, need to spill words out somewhere. Emotions are thick and my mind swirls with thoughts, memories, dreams and questions.  Today is a day that brings me haunting memories and also great blessings. 

5 years ago, I almost lost one of my children.  I don't mean there was a close call, I mean I saw the life leaving his body as he lay on the ground among wet, cold, muddy leaves.  I still can remember what his blue face looked like and  the awful gurgling that came from his lungs as his life slipped away.  They say time heals all things...no, it doesn't. These are the haunting memories.

I know that God reached down and breathed life into my dying child that cold, rainy day.  There is no other explanation. Today, that same child, went alone for hours exploring with our dog.  Tonight he went to the movies with his big brother.  Just a moment ago he towered almost 9 full inches over me as he reach down to hug me and tell me he loved me and good night. He is now upstairs reading something way over my head.  Those are the great blessings. 

I stood at the sea shore today, something I promise myself I will do more of each year and I don't. I needed to go today to seek the magical healing of the waves and the salt air.  I am not sure if I found that healing but I did find my heart feeling more than I would have liked and my reserves pushed. I was looking for something...it wasn't there.  I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I head into 2017 in many ways the same as last year, though my thoughts and feelings are clearer.  The last few days of 2016 will be spent recalibrating myself and my heart and fortifying my foundation.

Today reminded me to hold onto what is true and solid, focusing on God's great gifts. I have learned that life is not kind but still there is so much to be thankful for and I am living thankfully...in all circumstances. If you find yourself walking the seashore you may very well find me there again staring out and seeking before the year truly ends. Hold on....

Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Psalm 25:5 (NIV)

1 comment:

  1. I'll never forget that post 5 years ago... Praying for continued healing, deeper & deeper peace, & more oceanfront time. ❤


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