My entire adult life, and most of my teens, church has been a very important part of my life. I don't mean just the building or the people/social aspect of it, but the very essence of what the church is. Church means so many different things to me... it is a place to worship and glorify Christ, a place to stop and say thank you to a God that loves us so very much, a place to bring your less than perfect self and know that God will and does perform miracles on your insides and out, a place to grow with the body of believers and be discipled and to disciple, and so much more.
Recently, though, I have found myself in a very hard place concerning church. I suppose it is what some would call Spiritual Warfare and sometimes it feels like I am losing. The very act of going to church has become a challenge for me. I know I need to be there, but I am pulling me away. I have debated whether I need a new church or am I running away to something that feels softer, gentler? There are a lot of memories in my church, some of them hard to face. Ironically, the good memories are the hardest to face. They point out all the changes, the differences and I am having a hard time trying to figure out how to fit it all together.
So, yes...I am at a crossroads. I don't know which way to turn. Prayers appreciated.
Sending prayers your way. I too am struggling. We left our church for good when B was diagnosed with cancer. Strange time to leave I know but we have our reasons. I am forever thankful that God brought us through the journey and continues to bless us everyday. I want to find a new church but getting to new ones to try is extremely difficult. Continued prayers my friend!
ReplyDeleteGoing to church and being surrounded by seemingly deliriously happy people turned my stomach. Everywhere I looked, happy couples were praying together, worshipping together and holding hands, etc. the hard truth was that my adulterous husband forsook his wife AND his kids for another woman. Church was hard. Very hard. Little by little the rock around my heart is being chipped away. I'm not there to worship; I'm worshipping by being there. Was any of this crap God's will? Heck, no. It's a sinful, selfish world we live in and we fail. Every day. God has promised that joy comes in the morning. I'm still waiting for that morning.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely get this struggle. Praying for comfort & clarity.
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